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"...ah goodnight, ting ting a-linga-linga-ling"


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Um. Oh this is, is the interview for the management training course is it?

687259[/snapback]

 

 

The redhead is one of my favorite Jills.

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i was hoping for a response of "...5....4....3....2....1...." but you are dead on, thank you for confirming my faith in my fellow(and she-fellows) here on TBD!!!!!!!!!!

 

Um. Oh this is, is the interview for the management training course is it?

687259[/snapback]

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Interviewer You know I really enjoy interviewing applicants for this management training course. (knock at door) Come in. (Stig enters) Ah. Come and sit down.

Stig Thank you. (he sits)

Interviewer (stares at him and starts writing) Would you mind just standing up again for one moment. (stands up) Take a seat.

Stig I'm sorry.

Interviewer Take a seat. (Stig does so) Ah! (writes again) Good morning.

Stig Good morning.

Interviewer Good morning.

Stig Good morning.

Interviewer (writes) Tell me why did you say 'good morning' when you know perfectly well that it's afternoon?

Stig Well, well, you said 'good morning'. Ha, ha.

Interviewer (shakes head) Good afternoon.

Stig Ah, good afternoon.

Interviewer Oh dear. (writes again) Good evening.

Stig ... Goodbye?

Interviewer Ha, ha. No. (rings small hand-bell) ... Aren't you going to ask me why I rang the bell? (rings bell again)

Stig Er why did you ring the bell?

Interviewer Why do you think I rang the bell? (shouts) Five, four, three, two, one, zero!

Stig Well, I, I...

Interviewer Too late! (singing) Goodnight, ding-ding-ding-ding-ding. Goodnight. Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding.

Stig Um. Oh this is, is the interview for the management training course is it?

Interviewer (Rings bell) Yes. Yes it is. Goodnight. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

Stig Oh. Oh dear, I don't think I'm doing very well.

Interviewer Why do you say that?

Stig Well I don't know.

Interviewer Do you say it because you didn't know?

Stig Well. I, I, I, I don't know.

Interviewer Five, four, three, two, one, zero! Right! (makes face and strange noise)

Stig I'm sorry, I'm confused.

Interviewer Well why do you think I did that then?

Stig Well I don't know.

Interviewer Aren't you curious?

Stig Well yes.

Interviewer Well, why didn't you ask me?

Stig Well...I...er...

Interviewer Name?

Stig What?

Interviewer Your name man, your name!

Stig Um, er David.

Interviewer David. Sure?

Stig Oh yes.

Interviewer (writing) David Shaw.

Stig No, no Thomas.

Interviewer Thomas Shaw?

Stig No, no, David Thomas.

Interviewer (long look, rings bell) Goodnight. Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding- ding-ding-ding. Goodnight. Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding.

Stig Oh dear we're back to that again. I don't know what to do when you do that.

Interviewer Well do something. Goodnight. Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding, five, four, three, two, one . . .(Stig pulls face and makes noise) Good!

Stig Good?

Interviewer Very good - do it again. (Stig pulls face and makes noise) Very good indeed, quite outstanding. (Interviewer goes to door) Ah right. (calls through door) Ready now. (four people come in and line up by desk) Right, once more. (rings bell) Goodnight, ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding.

Stig very cautiously pulls face and makes noise. Interviewer rings bell again. Suddenly the four men all hold up points cards like diving or skating judges.

Stig What's going on? What's going on?

Interviewer You've got very good marks.

Stig (hysterically) Well I don't care, I want to know what's going on! I think you're deliberately trying to humiliate people, and I'm going straight out of here and I'm going to tell the police exactly what you do to people and I'm going to make bloody sure that you never do it again. There, what do you think of that? What do you think of that?

The judges give him very high marks.

Interviewer Very good marks.

Stig Oh, oh well, do I get the job?

Interviewer Er, well, I'm afraid not. I'm afraid all the vacancies were filled several weeks ago.

They fall about laughing.

Cut to man sitting at desk.

Man Well that was all good fun, and we all had a jolly good laugh, but I would like to assure you that you'd never be treated like that if you had an interview here at the Careers Advisory Board. Perhaps I should introduce myself. I am the Head of the Careers Advisory Board. I wanted to be a doctor, but there we are, I'm Head of the Careers Advisory Board. (emotionally) Or a sculptor, something artistic, or an engineer, with all those dams, but there we are, it's no use crying over split milk, the facts are there and that's that. I'm the Head of this lousy Board. (he weeps, then recovers) Never mind.

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