#89 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 The Point System In the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system ============================== SIMPLE DUTIES: You make the bed. (+1) You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow. (0) You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-1) You go out to buy her what she wants. (+5) In the rain. (+10) But return with beer. (-15) You check out a suspicious noise at night. (0) You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing. (0) You check out a suspicious noise and it is something. (+5) You pummel it with an iron rod. (+10) It's her pet. (-25) ============================== SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS: You stay by her side for the entire party. (0) You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy. (-2) Named Tina. (-4) Tina is a dancer. (-10) Tina has breast implants. (-80) Really big breast implants. (-200) ============================== HER BIRTHDAY: You take her out to dinner. (0) You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar. (+1) Okay, it is a sports bar. (-2) And it's all-you-can-eat night. (-3) It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team. (-10) ============================== A NIGHT OUT: You take her to a movie. (+2) You take her to a movie she likes. (+4) You take her to a movie you hate. (+6) You take her to a movie you like. (-2) And it's called "DeathCop". (-3) You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans that were featured on "Oprah". (-15) ============================== YOUR PHYSIQUE: You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15) You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. (+10) You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts. (-30) You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-10,000) ============================== ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION: She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT you say.] You hesitate in responding. (-10) You reply, "Where?" (-35) Any other response. (-20) ============================== COMMUNICATION: When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression. (0) You listen for over 30 minutes. (+50) You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+500) She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-5,000) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
/dev/null Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-1) You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy. (-2) Named Tina. (-4) Okay, it is a sports bar. (-2) You take her to a movie you like. (-2) She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) You hesitate in responding. (-10) You reply, "Where?" (-35) Any other response. (-20) 354362[/snapback] -81 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 It's safe to say we will always be on the losing end. Good thing we have something that y'all want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cugalabanza Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 The problem is that these negative points NEVER GO AWAY! Every woman has a secret karmic bank ledger for every man she knows. Take any random shmuck you see on the street--there's a guy whose life is being held hostage because he forgot to do the dishes one day in 1992. Lunacy! Utter lunacy! Perhaps I've said too much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spidey Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 The Point System In the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system ============================== SIMPLE DUTIES: You make the bed. (+1) You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow. (0) You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-1) You go out to buy her what she wants. (+5) In the rain. (+10) But return with beer. (-15) You check out a suspicious noise at night. (0) You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing. (0) You check out a suspicious noise and it is something. (+5) You pummel it with an iron rod. (+10) It's her pet. (-25) ============================== SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS: You stay by her side for the entire party. (0) You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy. (-2) Named Tina. (-4) Tina is a dancer. (-10) Tina has breast implants. (-80) Really big breast implants. (-200) ============================== HER BIRTHDAY: You take her out to dinner. (0) You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar. (+1) Okay, it is a sports bar. (-2) And it's all-you-can-eat night. (-3) It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team. (-10) ============================== A NIGHT OUT: You take her to a movie. (+2) You take her to a movie she likes. (+4) You take her to a movie you hate. (+6) You take her to a movie you like. (-2) And it's called "DeathCop". (-3) You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans that were featured on "Oprah". (-15) ============================== YOUR PHYSIQUE: You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15) You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. (+10) You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts. (-30) You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-10,000) ============================== ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION: She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT you say.] You hesitate in responding. (-10) You reply, "Where?" (-35) Any other response. (-20) ============================== COMMUNICATION: When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression. (0) You listen for over 30 minutes. (+50) You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+500) She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-5,000) 354362[/snapback] With a point system like that a guy cant win unless of course you forgot to list points earned for lovemaking Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaska Darin Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Guy point system: Shutting the fug up while the game is on: 1,000,000 Making love: 20 Fuggin: 2,000,000 Dinner on the table when we get home: 5,000 Coming home to find a cat: -22,333,000 Keeping the fridge stocked: 500 Keeping the fridge stocked with lowfat whatever or some kind of turkey dressed up as real meat: -12,500 Good BJ: 500,000 Bad BJ: 499,999 Telling us the oil light on the car came on the very same day it happens: 15,000 Telling us the oil light on the car came on any other time: -500,000 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
/dev/null Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Guy point system: Shutting the fug up while the game is on: 1,000,000 Making love: 20 Fuggin: 2,000,000 Dinner on the table when we get home: 5,000 Coming home to find a cat: -22,333,000 Keeping the fridge stocked: 500 Keeping the fridge stocked with lowfat whatever or some kind of turkey dressed up as real meat: -12,500 Good BJ: 500,000 Bad BJ: 499,999 Telling us the oil light on the car came on the very same day it happens: 15,000 Telling us the oil light on the car came on any other time: -500,000 354570[/snapback] Going to bed together: +1,000 Still being there when I wake up: -1,000 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaska Darin Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Going to bed together: +1,000Still being there when I wake up: -1,000 354575[/snapback] Still being there instead of a freshly cooked meal: -5000 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spidey Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Guy point system: Shutting the fug up while the game is on: 1,000,000 Making love: 20 Fuggin: 2,000,000 Dinner on the table when we get home: 5,000 Coming home to find a cat: -22,333,000 Keeping the fridge stocked: 500 Keeping the fridge stocked with lowfat whatever or some kind of turkey dressed up as real meat: -12,500 Good BJ: 500,000 Bad BJ: 499,999 Telling us the oil light on the car came on the very same day it happens: 15,000 Telling us the oil light on the car came on any other time: -500,000 354570[/snapback] Interesting I guess u have another kitty around the house? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slothrop Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Guy point system: Good BJ: 500,000 Bad BJ: 499,999 354570[/snapback] very true wise sage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ch19079 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Good BJ: 500,000Bad BJ: 499,999 354570[/snapback] thats ABSOLUTLY true. but i would add: a BJ while you play video games or watching a sporting event: +1,000,000 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guffalo Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 thats ABSOLUTLY true. but i would add: a BJ while you play video games or watching a sporting event: +1,000,000 354601[/snapback] ....With a plate, balancing on your head, holding a sandwich .......+2,000,000 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
/dev/null Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 a BJ while you play video games or watching a sporting event: +1,000,000 354601[/snapback] ....With a plate, balancing on your head, holding a sandwich .......+2,000,000 354681[/snapback] triple word score if its a blumpkin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cåblelady Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 It's safe to say we will always be on the losing end. Good thing we have something that y'all want. 354479[/snapback] Money? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Real Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Guy point system: Good BJ: 500,000 Bad BJ: 499,999 Priceless and oh so true t-r Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurman's Helmet Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 ....With a plate, balancing on your head, holding a sandwich .......+2,000,000 354681[/snapback] triple word score if its a blumpkin 354686[/snapback] Soda meet monitor! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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