Alaska Darin Posted October 7, 2005 Share Posted October 7, 2005 I was playing cards last night until about 1am with a group of people. Obviously, we were grilling some food and drinking plenty of beers. I did not feel all that "with it" when I woke up for work this morning. But I toughed it out and made it in...I mean, when are you not a little hungover for work on Friday, right? So anyways, I was sitting at my desk in my office, and I let a little squeaker go that absolutely smelled horrible. I was the only one there and even I was horrified. It was a devilish mix of some grilled shrimp, steak, and Labatts Blue. I had to take a walk just to let it clear out a bit. Of course, I have a meeting today from 10am-Noon. It is a year-end planning meeting, and there were about 12 people in there (including 3 women) and everyone is sitting at a big conference table. The guy running the meeting was sitting at the head of the table. He had a laptop in front of him and was taking the group through a powerpoint presentation which was projected onto a big screen on the wall. So there I am, about an hour into this thing, and I could have farted about 15 times. But I held it in because I knew the smell would dominate everybody in these close quarters. But finally, I guess I either gave up, or I just wanted to see what everyone would do when the powerful odor made its presence felt. So I let a nice one go, silent but most certainly deadly. About 7 seconds after I let fly, I could smell it. It was the same, if not worse, than the one in my office. Absolutely horrible. I just sat there following along with the presentation like nothing happened. I noticed some people start moving in their chairs a little bit. I heard a few sniffles. I saw some people looking at each other with the "What is that?" face. Then, the guy talking through the presentation just stopped and said, "Oh my God, who did THAT?" The whole room burst out laughing, and everyone was just looking and pointing at each other. I was sitting there, laughing like everyone else, saying it was disgusting, but of course not fessing up to it. I even saw one guy trying to pin it on one of the ladies. I was dying. The guy who was running the meeting just got up, shook his head, opened the door for some air, and then sat back down and got on with the presentation. I did not have the stones to cut another one loose; besides, I got my chuckle for the day. Oh man, the weekend cannot come soon enough... 469163[/snapback] Farts are NEVER not funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajzepp Posted October 7, 2005 Share Posted October 7, 2005 Farts are NEVER not funny. 469425[/snapback] You ever see the flick where that comedian guy is in a space suit and starts lighting himself up while inside it? Dumb movie, but that scene had me rolling.....can't think of his damn name, though.....he played the cop who drank the urine in "Dumb and dumber" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BRH Posted October 7, 2005 Share Posted October 7, 2005 Farts are NEVER not funny. 469425[/snapback] Amen. Carlin does a routine in one of his recent albums about how you'll be in a crowded place like a bus or something and you've just got to rip one. "So you let out a little test fart... about five to ten percent of the actual fart. And it turns out to be a fart that could strip the paint off a footlocker." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoodBye Posted October 7, 2005 Share Posted October 7, 2005 Oh man, you guys just made my day. My stomach hurts from laughing so hard at this thread. I've grown up with 5 brothers so as a woman this kind of humor cracks me up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted October 7, 2005 Share Posted October 7, 2005 Oh man, you guys just made my day. My stomach hurts from laughing so hard at this thread. I've grown up with 5 brothers so as a woman this kind of humor cracks me up. 469506[/snapback] Like you've never cut one loose! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoodBye Posted October 7, 2005 Share Posted October 7, 2005 Like you've never cut one loose! 469510[/snapback] It is a natural biological function, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajzepp Posted October 7, 2005 Share Posted October 7, 2005 Like you've never cut one loose! 469510[/snapback] She has....she farts when she sneezes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoodBye Posted October 7, 2005 Share Posted October 7, 2005 She has....she farts when she sneezes! 469515[/snapback] Dammit, now my secret is out. Well, you like to blame the dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajzepp Posted October 7, 2005 Share Posted October 7, 2005 Dammit, now my secret is out. Well, you like to blame the dog. 469525[/snapback] I'll bet the "hot" sister doesn't fart.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoodBye Posted October 7, 2005 Share Posted October 7, 2005 I'll bet the "hot" sister doesn't fart.... 469533[/snapback] We grew up with 5 brothers, what do you think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dean Posted October 7, 2005 Share Posted October 7, 2005 Freakin' Beautiful! Well told, to boot. My only concern is that you didn't try to pass the buck. Here's a hint: Make eye contact with someone (preferably an attractive woman who just might blame you) and make that face...you know the one...roll your eyes up and then toward someone else (who you are blaming). Try to pick someone more slovenly than yourself (if that's not possible, pick the biggest A-hole in the room). Now, one time at a meeting, I sneezed...and farted (loudly) at the same time (the sneeze blocked my usual control). There was no way to pass the buck and no way to deny responsibility. That was a toughie! Fortunately it was not particularly smelly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajzepp Posted October 7, 2005 Share Posted October 7, 2005 Freakin' Beautiful! Well told, to boot. My only concern is that you didn't try to pass the buck. Here's a hint: Make eye contact with someone (preferably an attractive woman who just might blame you) and make that face...you know the one...roll your eyes up and then toward someone else (who you are blaming). Try to pick someone more slovenly than yourself (if that's not possible, pick the biggest A-hole in the room). Now, one time at a meeting, I sneezed...and farted (loudly) at the same time (the sneeze blocked my usual control). There was no way to pass the buck and no way to deny responsibility. That was a toughie! Fortunately it was not particularly smelly. 469554[/snapback] Last time that happened to me I quickly tried to move around in the chair until I found a motion that elicited something that sounded almost identical to the reverberant fart noise I had just let rip. It's not as hard as it sounds.....then if you're successful in recreating it, just look down at the chair and do it over a few times until the perception that you are a "flatulant" dissipates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dean Posted October 7, 2005 Share Posted October 7, 2005 Last time that happened to me I quickly tried to move around in the chair until I found a motion that elicited something that sounded almost identical to the reverberant fart noise I had just let rip. It's not as hard as it sounds.....then if you're successful in recreating it, just look down at the chair and do it over a few times until the perception that you are a "flatulant" dissipates. 469563[/snapback] That's a sweet move...unfortunately for me, I was standing and not near any furniture. I was really hung out to dry (so to speak). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajzepp Posted October 7, 2005 Share Posted October 7, 2005 That's a sweet move...unfortunately for me, I was standing and not near any furniture. I was really hung out to dry (so to speak). 469564[/snapback] Oh man, the standing sneeze fart without an elevator around? That's the worst....I feel for you there, my friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaska Darin Posted October 7, 2005 Share Posted October 7, 2005 Try to pick someone more slovenly than yourself (if that's not possible, pick the biggest A-hole in the room). 469554[/snapback] I have a hard time imagining you finding someone more slovenly than yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dean Posted October 7, 2005 Share Posted October 7, 2005 I have a hard time imagining you finding someone more slovenly than yourself. 469580[/snapback] That's rare, for sure. But I ALWAYS find a bigger A-hole than myself! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kegtapr Posted October 7, 2005 Share Posted October 7, 2005 Freakin' Beautiful! Well told, to boot. My only concern is that you didn't try to pass the buck. Here's a hint: Make eye contact with someone (preferably an attractive woman who just might blame you) and make that face...you know the one...roll your eyes up and then toward someone else (who you are blaming). Try to pick someone more slovenly than yourself (if that's not possible, pick the biggest A-hole in the room). Now, one time at a meeting, I sneezed...and farted (loudly) at the same time (the sneeze blocked my usual control). There was no way to pass the buck and no way to deny responsibility. That was a toughie! Fortunately it was not particularly smelly. 469554[/snapback] Not a fart story but embarrasing just the same. In college I was in a huge lecture hall with about 200 other students. We were watching a film and I was half asleep. When I opened my mouth to yawn I let out the loudest burp man has ever heard. Where it came from I'll never know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of BiB Posted October 7, 2005 Share Posted October 7, 2005 Not a fart story but embarrasing just the same. In college I was in a huge lecture hall with about 200 other students. We were watching a film and I was half asleep. When I opened my mouth to yawn I let out the loudest burp man has ever heard. Where it came from I'll never know. 469594[/snapback] Woah...I'm sure they are still talking about that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cåblelady Posted October 7, 2005 Share Posted October 7, 2005 I just farted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajzepp Posted October 7, 2005 Share Posted October 7, 2005 I just farted. 469610[/snapback] That's hot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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