Grant Posted September 28, 2004 Share Posted September 28, 2004 http://www.somethingawful.com/index.htm Check it out, right on the front page. P.S.: For those of you that lack funny bones, SA is a comedy website. In case you couldn't tell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grant Posted September 28, 2004 Author Share Posted September 28, 2004 For those too lazy to click the link, you're probably too lazy to read this text, but here it is anyway. Now that week three of the National Football League season has wrapped up, I think it's fairly safe to say that "football experts" are neither "experts" nor "footballs." Yes, many football analysts have leathery, dimpled skin and air-filled interiors, but they don't have double reinforced lacing and you can't throw them in a spiral twenty yards through a hanging tire. Anyways, before the season, a bunch of these jackasses picked the Kansas City Chiefs to win the AFC West. And The AFC championship. And the Super Bowl. At the end of the third week, The Kansas City Chiefs are 0-3. That means they haven't won any games. They played three games and they lost every one. They did not win any games. That's not good. Yet out of ESPN's twelve "football experts," five of them picked the Chiefs to win the Super Bowl in 2004. I'm not good at math, but I'm pretty sure that means 89% of ESPN's staff is mentally retarded. Two of ESPN's experts -- and please note that the dictionary defines expert as, "a person with a high degree of skill in or knowledge of a certain subject" -- brilliantly guessed that Kansas City head coach Dick "Weepster" Vermeil would win the Best Coach of The Year Prize Monument Award Trophy. Here's what Dick Vermeil actually said after losing to the Texans: "We've dug ourselves a big foxhole. The great thing about this organization is when we dig a foxhole, we dig it big enough for everybody to get in.'' Wow, that's great! So instead of digging just one grave for your own elderly ass, you've dug a huge mass grave that all the players, coaches, cheerleaders, and mascots can hurl themselves into! Wonderful! COACH OF THE YEAR!!! My point is that ESPN's experts are full of bullhonkey, and I'm the only person in the entire world who is qualified to provide accurate predictions of the future outcomes of sporting events. Here's my "Hot Spicy Picks" for week four of the NFL season, and keep in mind that I know more than all the other "experts" because I am the most sassy and abrasive: New England at Buffalo Winner: Buffalo by 10 I'm a Buffalo Bills fan and our team has lost more Super Bowls in a row than any other team in the league. So they're a force to be reckoned with. Plus, Bills Quarterback Drew Bledsoe is a marvel of human engineering. One time he threw an old crock pot fifty-four yards through the air into a dumpster. And since the Patriots traded Bledsoe away like an old sock a couple years ago, he's out for vengeance. Bitter, revenge-vengeance. If you think New England is going to win this game and break the consecutive "we haven't lost any games" record, you're an idiot with more drool coating your keyboard than ESPN's John Clayton. Buffalo will win by at least ten and punter Brian Moorman will once again show the entire league why they call him the "incredible, edible leg." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kota Posted September 28, 2004 Share Posted September 28, 2004 The actually makes some good points. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweet baboo Posted September 28, 2004 Share Posted September 28, 2004 wow...the webmaster of SA is a Bills fan! I'm upgrading to Platinum membership! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillsGuyInMalta Posted September 28, 2004 Share Posted September 28, 2004 Now that they mention it, Moorman does kinda look like an egg... Egg Moorman But damn it, he's OUR egg! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark VI Posted September 28, 2004 Share Posted September 28, 2004 Now that they mention it, Moorman does kinda look like an egg... Egg Moorman But damn it, he's OUR egg! 47777[/snapback] BGIM, that's good stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grant Posted September 28, 2004 Author Share Posted September 28, 2004 Hmm. I never noticed the resemblance until now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ganesh Posted September 28, 2004 Share Posted September 28, 2004 Now that they mention it, Moorman does kinda look like an egg... Egg Moorman But damn it, he's OUR egg! 47777[/snapback] Now, can he lay some golden eggs... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ACor58 Posted September 28, 2004 Share Posted September 28, 2004 The caption under that d-bag Clayton's picture is great: "ESPN's John Clayton properly registered himself as a sex offender, then picked the Chiefs to win the Super Bowl in 2004." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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