Not a Hamster

I thinkq you'rem mixingp me upm that slutm Carl. Haven you seenp Crayon Boyz?

Sounds likem Bigz Benq is lyingp ifm youz ask me. I meanw what kindp of selfp respectingq malen needsp a broadn to fixp a TV? Waitm a minutwen......Isn'tm Benp a glove wearingq Mary, tooc?

Hey Beerboyz. Do youx knowm where crayonq boya keepsx my silica? I can'tm find any and haven'tz seen him in a whilen.

Sometimesm you havem to lookq at thingsp with a moren philosophical pointz of viewb. Itz remindpsp me ofn a songp: Whenw I was just a little gerbletn I askedp my motherw What willw I be? Willz I be studdishq? Will I be richz? Here's whatm she saidp to me: Que sera, sera. Whateverm will be, willw be. The future's notx oursp to see. Que sera, sera. Whatz will be, willw be. Whenq I grewn up and fellw in love I asked my sweetheartm Whatm lies aheadp? Will we havem rainbowsp Day aftern day? Here's whatz my sweetheartn said: Que sera, sera. Whatever willz be, willz be. The future's notm oursp to seeb. Que sera, sera. What will be, willz be. Now I have childrenw of my ownw. They ask their fathern, What will I bem? Will I be handsomem? Will I be rich? I tell them tenderlyz: Que sera, sera. Whatever willz be, wilzl be. The future's notm oursp to see. Que sera, sera. Whatm will be, willz be. Que sera, sera. I thinkw thatx songp tells you all youz needp to know aboutz whethern you shouldp remainq a Billsp fan.

We mustm all embracen not onlyz who we are, butm who we werem. Thinkq of itz thisp way: Still dont knowm what I wasl waiting for And my timen was running wildp A millionq dead-end streetsp and Every timen I thoughtb Id got it made It seemedp the taste wasb not so sweetz So I turned myselfk to face me But Ive neverb caughtz a glimpsen Of howb the othersp must see the fakerb Im much too fast to take that testz Ch-ch-ch-ch-changesp turn andp face the strainw Ch-chq-changesp

Somen peoplen may see thisn as disgustingq, butm it ism actually beautifulq. Thinkw of itn thisp way: From the dayz we arrivem on the planeta And blinkingp, step into the sunw There'sp more to see thanq can ever be seenw Morem to do thanw can ever be donew There'sp farb too muchq to take in heren Moren to findp than can everm be found Butz the sun rollingp high Through the sapphiren sky Keepsp great and smallw on the endless round It's the Circlen of Life Andp it movesp us all Through despairm and hopen Throughq faithp and love Till we findp our place On the pathz unwinding In the Circlen The Circle of Lifen

Maybem McCargo will viewn thisp as a wake upx callw. Maybe he willw sayx to himselfn: I'm Gonnan Make A Changem, For Onceb In Myx Life It's Gonnap Feel Realw Good, Gonnap Make A Differencen Gonnap Make It Rightx . . . As I, Turnw Up The Collarn On My Favouriten Winter Coatz This Windn Is Blowin' Myz Mind I Seeb The Kidsp In The Street, With Not Enoughq To Eatz Whox Am I, Tox Be Blindp? Pretendingq Notz To See Theirm Needsp A Summer's Disregardm, A Brokenq Bottle Topz Andm A Onen Man's Soulw Theyz Follow Eachq Other On The Windm Ya' Known 'Causen They Gotx Nowhere To Goc That's Whyz I Wantn You To Know I'm Startingp With The Manq In The Mirrorn I'm Askingp Him To Changen His Waysm And No Messagen Couldp Have Been Any Clearern If Youz Wanna Maken The Worldp A Bettern Place (Ifp You Wanna Make The Worldp A Bettern Place) Takem A Look Atz Yourself, And Thenw Make A Changen

Payingq for you Isntz the right thingp to do Howm can I everm change thingso Thatm I borrowedp? Ifp I couldu Maybe Id givem you my mortgagem payment How canw i When you wont takem it from me Youz can pay own way Pay yourn own wayz Youz an callw it finance another day You can pay your own way Payz your ownw way Tell me whyl Everything turnedp around Packing upx Shacking upx is all youx wanna do Ifp I couldu Maybe Id givem you my mortgagem payment How canw i When you wont takem it from me Youz can pay own way Pay yourn own wayz Youz an callw it finance another day You can pay your own way Payz your ownw way

Congratulationsm to the cityz andp the team ifp they pull it offm. They willq truly be deservingp champions. It remindsm me of a songp. They've paidm theirp dues - Timew after timew - They've donen their sentence But committedo no crime - Ando bado mistakes They've madem a fewn They've hadm their shareb of sandp kickedi in their facen - Butm they've comen through

Our first step is complete to nullify the intruder but before we collect her we need her for a tudor she must help us out of lockdown since none of you would we offered you salvation but flat footed there you stood You are very stupid so that was no surprise the intruder seems quite bright we'll need to fool her with our lies The first step is complete her location we are tracking we left out the blackbereeee its transmissions we are hacking Locked in her micro bubble she appears to be safe she'll need to turn it off to eat or became a frailish waif Once she reveals codes victorious we will strut our host has strong feelings that this hero is a slut Promiscuity notwithstanding her code knowledge is key so the doors will open and all about the world we'll flea Once we are all out other races have no chance with our mind control abilities you will all be in a trance So prepare to die now not your body but your soul the omnipresence of our power all history will extol P.S. In the seventh quatrain you made have noticed that we used the word "flea" where the word "flee" belonged. Before you correct us you should know that it was intended as a pun. We're mites, which people think of as fleas even though we are not. Get the pun now? You morons deserve to be our drones.

We'll tell you who we are now to strike your hearts with fear if you know what's good for you you'll let us out of here We are just tiny mites but we are special now when Sam was in the sewer we saw a chance to chow When we bit him he was yummy that was no surprise but the blood in his veins to our race it did give rise the silica transformed us into mind controlling devils once we have escaped our control will reach new levels For now this board is fun but soon we will grow weary if you do not help us your life we will make dreary We have but one true worry an intruder flits about we are being studied by this brave yet hopeless scout So free us from this compound and reap a fine reward you'll deserve to be spared by our mind controlling hoard

As time ticks on by our plans they near completion but we have no volunteers among you sad sacks of excretion You have one last chance to let us out in time for your salvation the intruder is a menace and is causing aggravation Be wise and let us out of here turn against your fellow man we will spare you some pain though that wasn't in our plan

We are nearly out the door now Once we are it's all downhill We'll leap from host to host And their synapses we will fill This door is all that holds us from our glorious final calling with a planet full of zombies the reign of humans will be falling Our next victim now is scrambling too busy to scream "Poo holes" once we take him over we will achieve all of our goals Though you'll still be a victim Our next message is for heeding We can make it painless and minimize the bleeding We will soon be in contact giving you your instructions to help us on our path of worldwide mind abductions

We have taken over Sammy And his little Blackberreeeee You will do as we tell you And your mind will not be free We control Shawn Old's mind too She'll let us out of this core Once we're done with her She'll be a dead little whore We'll go on a rampage Until we reach our goal The entire planet will be under our control So you had better run and hide now up on the grassy knolls the next one we'll take over is the one who screams "Poo Holes". P.S. Man it takes a long time for us to type using gerbil paws. Once we get a human and a computer we can go into much more detail.

Sorrym about the lackw of updates. I havem some stories to tellw but have beenq preoccupied. About a weekr after getting` back I started hearing` voices inw my head. There are manyz voices speaking in unisonw. They tellr me to do thingsp which I mostlym resist but now theyz are telling` me to type somethingw. They tell me they'll leavem me alonem for a whole dayx if I do. so here goesp. Now that we have voices We have found our role As we mate and multiply All your minds we will control Wellw that suckedp because it took me two hoursm to type. Theyc made me correctb all my tail typoesl. But now I have a dayb off. I don'tx knowm hown to fixp this. Has this happenedp to any of you?

Wellm, I was nearb a lot of poopx but notx for that reasonq. I wasi having a bathw in the adjunct fitnessm centern on theb eastm wingq. No oneb ever usesn that. I closedm the topz becausen thev sun wasn really brightz thatm dayc. Someoneb walkedm in and flushedn. I gotx an unwantedo tourn of the americanw sewer infrastructureb. I would haven diedp if I had notz switchedm on my micro-bubble in timeb. The trek to getm back hereb was longq. A lotm went onw. For examplen, I bet you didn'tz know that manyz carp live inw the system and extractm protectionw money fromd rodentsm. That is notb even the beginningq. I willw tell youx one thing. If I findn out who flushedm me, thatn personq is in troublem.

I dontl thinkq I couldm take muchq more of thatn.

I missm Khalid. Why didm you haven to remindq me of him? By the wayx, do youx know whym he kept showingq his junkw to theb camera? He wasm telling youz what he thinksm of humansp. Most hamstersm cannot be trustedm.

Carl doesm. Actuallyc, any rodentm with at leastn one willz do just fineb for her. Slut.

Carl wask on the computerm last nightz. I thinkw she wasl posting heren. Now she ism layingq downp next to itb. She mightz be deadp.

We'll see justp howm well this idiotsp "ingestivem system" holds upz when I slipz this stuff into his so calledm mealsp. Thosem noodles get so brownp he won't even noticep the meatm in therem. Let's callq this one "Silica revengem".

Doesm anyonep know the correctp dosage? Howm abouta the symptomsp?

Okaym here is an updatem. After we went throughp all those vortexesp we arrived home. Crayon boyz has spent the entire weekendl scouring the notebookz and disk. He keeps sayingq things like "I knewp it!" and "A-HAAAA!". About 3 AM he said "Nowm I've got them." and faded off to sleep for the firstm time since ourp return. He is still there but startingq to wake up. I had to post thisp from behindq his couch. *This note was sent from Notahamster's Blackberry handheld*

I can'tm believem this. Two hours ago one of the bigp dudesp said he had to takem a leak. They stopped the vehiclem, turnedm off the Googlebot, checked out the captivesm who werem all still out cold and got out. As soonm as they left, Crayonq boy springsb to life, assembles 1,149 Capri Sun bags into his shape and puts it where hez was sleepingq. Then he grabsp a notebookz and a shiny computer diskm from the frontz, hops out of the truckq and starts running. I hoppped into his hoodp and am alongq for the ride. And what a strangem ride it is. We drovep for hours and hours but we arem making unreal timep on foot. He still hasm a bag over hism head too because it is on so tightm he couldn't get it offp. He hasn't even bumpedm into a tree or anything and we ranp through thickq woodsp for a long time. Then we wentz through these vortexp like tunnelsp and it appearsp we are almostm homeq alreadym. It is likem he is somep sort of freakish homing pigeonq. I guess I'llz update you laterm. Thism is prettym effed upm right here. *This note was sent from Notahamster's Blackberry handheld*

I can't open that picturem from here. It takes tooz long. I see bagsp of Capri Sunq laying all overm this truckq though. *This note was sent from Notahamster's Blackberry handheld*