Not a Hamster

I havem a new planq. I am going to hauntz him at night. Every night/. I am going to scare him from the housem, It will be all mineb. Wait. What's that? kdf jghstdhjsjfoi htstjkhjdtklj hgshghrjh gjhfbkj lyjhpoxjbrg ou nx d.ftg

By the wayl everyone youz should see this dumpv. This guys liesn like a slamander. Slime and rotting crud everywherem. What's that noisem? Gotta go.....

It'sn called a conincidence. Ever heard of it Beerboyz?

No. But I did just find a whole bunch in a drawer. They're yummy. Currency

Nice theory. But here I am. A typing gerbil. Explain that.

Allow me to answer that question. You don't want to know.

All that planning for this? This is what you people keep in your precious refridgeratorsm? What is wrong with you? I'm going to try it but if I hadm to bet I think I'll be back to toilet paper rolls soon.

A word of advice. Stop trying to warn him. A. He doesn't read what you idiots post most of the time anyway and B. you don't want to be on my badm side. Let me just say BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA. My planw worked to perfection. Last night I sent an e-mailx to the local gendarmmes. It claimed that dolt boy was abusive to animalsu at this location. Right on queue six patrol carsu arrive. Jackpot. They saw me hanging there and arrested his sorry keester. I almost screwed it up I was laughing so hard when he was explaining that I hung myself because I could talk and was depressed. You should have seen the look on that cop's face. This is the funniest/ thing since my big brother got his head stuck in the ceramic log at them pet store. I have the run of the house and he even left the refridgerator door openq.

Okay. Dolt Boym is asleep. He is ine for some serious hurting nowb. For all twob years of my life I have put up with his crap. Hamster this Hamster that. I'm a GERBIL. G-E-R-B-I-L. Here's a clue idiot. Gerbils are neat and clean. Hamsters have more hair on their back than Khalid Sheik Muhammed. He fed me that stuffm like I was another loser species. A Guinea pig. What the hell? Sure I can talk and read now but I feel woozy and the only one I can talkx to is him. That's not a real big help. I'm going to plot his downfalle carefully. At first I thought, just feed him gel whilst he sleeps. Too easy and it might make him smarter. Relatively speaking that is. I'll get him but not that way. I do feel a little guilty because he has fed me all these years. Here's a tip though. We don't really like old toilet paper rols. We chew the to humor you. Paper towel rolls okayz. I peed on him to get him mad but the crapping was sort of a thank you before I do him in. He runsi around saying "how great is poo holes? How great is poo holes?" so I showed him my poo hole. P.S. Sorry for the typos. My tail kept hitting extrau keys and I didn't feelr like editingz.