ChasBB Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 1/16/2010 Sour Grapes by the Bills Front Office? In an apparent effort to save face after their unsuccessful effort to attract candidates for their head coaching vacancy, the Buffalo Bills' front office have withdrawn their head coaching vacancy today. "A coaching staff is really a luxury in today's NFL", CEO Russ Brandon was quoted as saying. Many in NFL circles say that this action by the Buffalo Bills is nothing more than sour grapes after a thoroughly embarrassing search for a new head coach produced only a single official interview. Brandon insisted that this was not the case and said, "The fans have only liked only two, or perhaps three, of the fifteen different coaches this organization has ever had over the years, so the percentages just don't look good that we can find a coach that the fans will embrace". However, a cursory review of the Bills' recent efforts to hire a new head man suggest otherwise. Several qualified candidates have declined to even speak with the Bills. The only one who has officially interviewed for the position admitted that is was only for the practice. Minnesota Vikings defensive coordinator Leslie Frazier admitted that his interviewing skills were a bit rusty and that he used the opportunity to prepare for when a better opportunity comes along. Frazier laughed and said "Hell no, I wouldn't really consider coaching the Bills. I was merely honing my salesmanship skills for when a more desirable vacancy comes along." It has been widely speculated that the Buffalo Bills have been hotly pursuing former Steelers coach and current CBS analyst, Bill Cowher with one or perhaps even two stealth meetings supposedly taking place. However, Cowher has denied even speaking with the Bills. "I'm very happy as an analyst for CBS right now" Cowher said. However, unnamed sources close to Cowher quoted him as saying "I wouldn't touch that vacancy with a ten-foot pole." It has also been speculated that Cardinals offensive line coach Russ Grimm as also being sought after by the Buffalo Bills. After losing the divisional playoff round to the Saints, Grimm was asked if the Buffalo job was now on his radar. Grimm said, "Are you kidding me? I'd retire before working for that _______ (Ralph Wilson)." Given economic times as they are, one would think someone would jump at the opportunity to sign a multi-million dollar contract with the Buffalo Bills. However, as another rumored candidate (Jets' offensive coordinator Brian Schottenheimer) recently shared, "Why commit career suicide? It's far better to hold out for a role where one has a prayer of success. I'd rather flip hamburgers or bag groceries before making my good name synonymous with failure." In an unprecedented move, newly-hired general manager Buddy Nix said that the team's offensive and defensive captains will take on the coaching responsibilities during the 2010 season. Prior to announcing this move, in a final, desperate attempt to bring in a coach, several local high school coaches rebuffed the Bills' attempts to discuss the open position. One of the local high school coaches, on the condition of anonymity said, "This is where I live. This is where my family lives. This is where my children go to school. I'd have to depart from here out of sheer embarrassment after a single season." Even though the Bills' offer represented a generous 17,500% pay increase for him, he said he just couldn't put his family through the torture. EDIT -- this all in fun. I actually believe the Bills will find a VERY qualified candidate and that Buddy Nix is doing this correctly and taking his time. Just having some fun with this is all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill Cowher Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 wow. you need a life badly! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChasBB Posted January 17, 2010 Author Share Posted January 17, 2010 wow. you need a life badly! Yeah, tell me about it. I know. Hey, with any luck, maybe "The Onion" will take notice. But I doubt it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RTW2012 Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 Yeah, tell me about it. I know. Hey, with any luck, maybe "The Onion" will take notice. But I doubt it. I doubt it, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bart Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 1/16/2010Sour Grapes by the Bills Front Office? In an apparent effort to save face after their unsuccessful effort to attract candidates for their head coaching vacancy, the Buffalo Bills' front office have withdrawn their head coaching vacancy today. "A coaching staff is really a luxury in today's NFL", CEO Russ Brandon was quoted as saying. Many in NFL circles say that this action by the Buffalo Bills is nothing more than sour grapes after a thoroughly embarrassing search for a new head coach produced only a single official interview. Brandon insisted that this was not the case and said, "The fans have only liked only two, or perhaps three, of the fifteen different coaches this organization has ever had over the years, so the percentages just don't look good that we can find a coach that the fans will embrace". However, a cursory review of the Bills' recent efforts to hire a new head man suggest otherwise. Several qualified candidates have declined to even speak with the Bills. The only one who has officially interviewed for the position admitted that is was only for the practice. Minnesota Vikings defensive coordinator Leslie Frazier admitted that his interviewing skills were a bit rusty and that he used the opportunity to prepare for when a better opportunity comes along. Frazier laughed and said "Hell no, I wouldn't really consider coaching the Bills. I was merely honing my salesmanship skills for when a more desirable vacancy comes along." It has been widely speculated that the Buffalo Bills have been hotly pursuing former Steelers coach and current CBS analyst, Bill Cowher with one or perhaps even two stealth meetings supposedly taking place. However, Cowher has denied even speaking with the Bills. "I'm very happy as an analyst for CBS right now" Cowher said. However, unnamed sources close to Cowher quoted him as saying "I wouldn't touch that vacancy with a ten-foot pole." It has also been speculated that Cardinals offensive line coach Russ Grimm as also being sought after by the Buffalo Bills. After losing the divisional playoff round to the Saints, Grimm was asked if the Buffalo job was now on his radar. Grimm said, "Are you kidding me? I'd retire before working for that _______ (Ralph Wilson)." Given economic times as they are, one would think someone would jump at the opportunity to sign a multi-million dollar contract with the Buffalo Bills. However, as another rumored candidate (Jets' offensive coordinator Brian Schottenheimer) recently shared, "Why commit career suicide? It's far better to hold out for a role where one has a prayer of success. I'd rather flip hamburgers or bag groceries before making my good name synonymous with failure." In an unprecedented move, newly-hired general manager Buddy Nix said that the team's offensive and defensive captains will take on the coaching responsibilities during the 2010 season. Prior to announcing this move, in a final, desperate attempt to bring in a coach, several local high school coaches rebuffed the Bills' attempts to discuss the open position. One of the local high school coaches, on the condition of anonymity said, "This is where I live. This is where my family lives. This is where my children go to school. I'd have to depart from here out of sheer embarrassment after a single season." Even though the Bills' offer represented a generous 17,500% pay increase for him, he said he just couldn't put his family through the torture. EDIT -- this all in fun. I actually believe the Bills will find a VERY qualified candidate and that Buddy Nix is doing this correctly and taking his time. Just having some fun with this is all. YOU SHOULD BE BANNED FOR WASTING PEOPLES TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CosmicBills Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 I thought it was funny ... and I'm sad to admit that when I read the first paragraph I panicked thinking it might be a real article. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bananathumb Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 Nice job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PearlHowardman Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 It IS funny and the posters who don't like it are the ones who need to get a life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChasBB Posted January 17, 2010 Author Share Posted January 17, 2010 Thanks to those that enjoyed it. Sometimes, just gotta have fun with all this negativity flying around the board. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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