joke of the day

[tennesseeboy]

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their

parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their

stories.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying

hens.

One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front

seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went

flying and broke and made a mess."

"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers

too.

But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one

time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to

this story is, "don't count your chickens before they're hatched."

"That was a fine story Sarah. Michael, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Kris. Aunt Kris was

an air force flight engineer in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to

bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a

machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it

wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.She

killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of

bullets.

Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And

then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did

your

daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay the !@#$ away from Aunt Kris when she's been drinking."

[Movinon]

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist,  the fourth was a Government Employee.

 

To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, "T-square, do your stuff".

T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty  smart.

 

 But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff". Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen  and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3  cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.

 

 But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said,  "Measure, do your stuff". Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took  out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured  exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good.

 

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do"? The Government Worker called to his cat and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff". Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, sh-- on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he  injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

[tennesseeboy]

There's a job for that cat in the Justice Department!

[BB27]

I think I work with that cat......

[/dev/null]

I'm sure this one's already been told, but here goes

 

A Mechanical Engineer, a Chemical Engineer, an Electrical Engineer, and a Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer are driving down the road when all of a sudden their car breaks down. They all get out of the car and start arguing what to do.

 

The Mechanical Engineer thinks it is a problem with the power train.

The Electrical Engineer disagrees. It has to be a short somewhere in the electrical system

The Chemical Engineer does the old "I hate to say I told you so" and suggests if they had filled up with a higher grade fuel.

 

The MCSE scratches his head wondering what the big deal is. He suggests they roll up all the windows, turn off the engine, and start the car back up