My Personality is Splitting

[BillsfaninFl]

Honest doctor, I feel okay on Wednesdays, but here's what happened my last eight Sundays:

 

9/7 - The season's first game and it didn't go down to a last second loss. I was so elated, I threw away my Broncos and Cowboys dolls. (I had used up all my pins on them, anyway.)

 

9/14 - I had a dream that we made a spectacular comeback and beat an inferior team. I knew it wasn't real, but I wanted to believe so badly, that I just stayed in bed for two days on an emotional roller coaster. There are more than 432,000 holes in my bedroom ceiling tiles.

 

9/21 - I had that same dream again, but this time I believed it was true. I celebrated through the night and woke up the next morning in an alley in St. Louis. A man came by and asked me if I was interested in coaching an NFL team.

 

9/28 - I was in a state of depression. People kept telling me that the Bills were 4 & 0. I couldn't stop wondering why they were being so cruel to lie to me like that. What had I done to make them hate me so?

 

10/5 - "Top of the world. ma," the Bills really were 4 & 0. Then they played the game and I spent the afternoon calling the Suicide Prevention Center Hotline. They kept putting me on hold.

 

10/12 - I spent that entire week praying at the Concussion Shrine of Trent (Green that is). But the news came that the Bills' Trent's headaches had subsided. So I lit a few candles in appreciation for my prayers being answered. Okay. more than a few. Luckily the fire was contained before it got to my livingroom.

 

10/19 - Trent's head was okay, the whole Bills team was more than okay. I was so giddy, I sold everything I had and plunged it all into the stock market. So from now on I am writing to you from my aunt's computer.

 

10/26 - I am devastated. Immediately after the game ended, a lady from the Suicide Prevention Center called me before I could look up her number. She told me... "don't even think about it." I felt a little better. Then she continued by saying, "just do it."

 

So doc, what I want to know, is do I have a split personality or am I just suffering from staphococcus billsdisappointedus? I can't just stay in bed for a few days. My bedroom ceiling tiles are all blackened and I can't count the holes anymore.

[Andrew in CA]

Hah, I know that this week will be f'd for me.... I'm pretty unbearable after a loss.... Although I think I'm pretty modest after a W, if I do say so myself...