MLS (or EPL) Soccer Fans

[Tolstoy]

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love MLS

Graham Fox is a freelance soccer writer from Manhattan, Kansas. He is a KC Wizards fan, a du Nord regular, and an advocate for fun. Find him at grahamfox@gmail.com

 

Do you know that:

Eurosnobs look down on you for watching MLS?

Low attendance is your fault?

The level of play in MLS could be higher if you would have eaten one less pickled egg last night?

You made your grandma cry when you told her the latest Columbus attend numbers?

Many MLS fans worry so much about attendance and what people think about MLS that they contemplate harai-kari when they read the latest Kansas City attendance numbers. As a fellow du Nord and MLS fan I’ve composed this small guide to stop you from doing anything drastic.

 

In Which I Start Watching Soccer

 

I started following soccer the way most Americans do. I shelled out money for Fox Soccer Channel and started watching English Premier League games. I become addicted and started a ritual that many males my age in the US take part in: Waking up at 5am on Saturday mornings to catch the day’s games. I napped my way through a season before I decided to follow Liverpool.

 

For the soccer fan in the United States, it is hard to pick an EPL team to be a fan of. We cannot experience regional pride or community pride, all we can experience is a false sense of belonging. Does that mean I woke up my roommate at 6am by jumping up and down and yelling when Peter Crouch scored his first goal for Liverpool because I had false emotions? No, but they were anchored in false connections.

 

After a season of watching the EPL I realized something that those English chaps don’t seem to have a problem with. Only four teams have a chance of winning (or as everyone points out when they realizes I like Liverpool, three teams).

 

In Which I Become Bored With the EPL

 

As I watched and learned I became increasingly bored with the Premier League. What is the point? If you aren’t a fan of the top four you can hope your team will maybe make it to a European spot or crack the top ten but that is it. Everyone knows who is likely to win at the start of the season. They win. Everyone knows about who will go down, and they do. How exciting.

 

I turned to Major League Soccer. I wanted to actually go to a game instead of watching it on TV. I wanted a league where more than four teams had a chance of winning.

 

The more I followed MLS the less I cared about Liverpool and the EPL. My devotion to Liverpool was based on a vague connection to a team thousands of miles away that I had no chance of seeing live. Major League Soccer is solid and real.

 

In Which I Start to Worry

 

At the start of last season I started to closely following MLS and the Kansas City Wizards. Towards the middle of the season I headed to Arrowhead to cheer on KC. I could actually see them live, had a regional connection with them, and a couple friends who I knew would be at the game. After my first live game I was hooked. From that point on I join the rest of you in:

Watching as many MLS games as possible

Posting regularly on several message boards

Arguing with anyone who made fun of MLS

Worrying about the level of play

Anxiously reading the latest attendance numbers

Wondering what Europeans though of MLS

Arguing about how MLS compares with other leagues

Worrying about DP spots

Hating Beckman for being a punk-ass and pretending to drop-kick the ball at Eloy Colombano

Go look at BigSoccer and scan the general MLS forum. Everyone is worrying. Almost every thread is moaning about quality, refs, attendance, or the league in general. The more I read the more I became concerned about attendance and how everyone perceives MLS, especially those Europeans with their fancy leagues.

 

In Which I Have A Realization

 

Then it happened. As I was downing my Admiral Nelson in the sun pounded Arrowhead parking lot I stopped caring about all of that sh--. There was no reason to worry, the league was out of my hands, and all I could do for attendance is show up when I can scrounge the gas money.

 

Be like me. Stop caring as much and enjoy the unique league that is MLS. Do yourself a favor:

Buy a handle of Admiral Nelson

Drink it

Yell till your voice crackles at the opposing team’s goal keeper

When he switches ends, follow and throw streamers at him until security tells you to stop

Scream “Waiiiiibeeeelllll” whenever he runs near you

Congratulations, you didn’t worry at all while you were doing that. Now go home and do the same (the not worrying, not the drinking of handles).

 

Don’t stop caring, stay informed, keep reading du Nord, browse BigSoccer when you want to kill some brain cells, but remember to enjoy the game. It’s all we’ve got.

Labels: attendance, mls, soccer

 

POSTED BY GRAHAM AT 11:11 10 COMMENTS FROM MENTAL GIANTS LIKE ME & YOU (CLICK TO ADD YOURS HERE MUCHACHO!)

[ajzepp]

[buckeyemike]

Very good.

 

I root for the Columbus Crew and Aston Villa myself.

[Andrew in CA]

Good article, but part of his premise is that you have to pick a team to follow. Why? I like that the EPL is the only league I can follow where I don't have a favorite team and can just enjoy the game without angst. I like to watch certain players and find myself rooting for the underdog, but it's never a life or death situation like when I'm watching a Bills game. This is part of the appeal for me, that I don't have any reason to like one team over another and can just enjoy the soccer.

[stuckincincy]

I started following soccer the way most Americans do. I shelled out money for Fox Soccer Channel and started watching English Premier League games.

 

The Fox Soccer Channel shows up on my cable for nothing, as one of those irritating things like my 5 shopping channels and the 4 public service channels which are nothing but slide shows, with some annoying shill for this or that local school system telling me that 9 grand for other peoples' brats per year isn't nearly enough taxation.