Clan Blood-sow!!!

[Orton's Arm]

Ancient European writings tell of a fierce clan. Every winter, warriors from this clan attacked their enemies. While they killed as many as they could, their rituals demanded a minimum of twelve bodies each year. Their heads were prepared according to ancient rituals:

 

Mount the first skull straight ahead

Someday all our enemies will be dead

 

Chop the second head in twain

Because coming in second is fraught with pain

 

The enemies’ corpses were kept frozen all winter. In early spring, their blood was ritualistically mixed with soil, and with the seeds that were being planted. This ritual earned the clan the name of Blood-sow or Bluid-sow.

 

Feed the third head to the swine

The lands that were his are now mine

 

Baste the fourth head in oil, and set it alight

Use it to illuminate the night

 

For over a thousand consecutive years, the Blood-sow clan was able to kill enough of its enemies to fulfill its ancient ritual. The clan was regarded with an intense mixture of hatred and fear.

 

Bury the fifth head in the earth

Let his clan die without rebirth

 

Put the sixth head in a cave no one can see

His people will never again be free

 

Difficult terrain and unwieldy possessions made it hard for the clan to travel by land. Though they lived by the coast, the Blood-sows were not good sea-farers. The resultant immobility is a reason why Blood-sow Keep was often sacked by Viking invaders.

 

Crush the seventh with a stone

Let this man’s name no longer be known

 

Hang the eight from the branch of a tree, to fill with dread

Those of our enemies who are not yet dead

 

In 1387, the entire region in which the Blood-sows lived was conquered by hostile foreign invaders. The Blood-sows mounted a guerrilla campaign against these invaders, and so were known as Patriots. Many years later, the Blood-sows turned to commerce, and so were known as Bills. Yet each year, they still killed the twelve enemies required by their ancient ritual.

 

Feed the ninth head to the fish

And you will be granted a single wish

 

Mount the tenth head on a spear

Let his clan never reappear

 

Displeased with city life, the Blood-sows gave up their life of commerce, and became Cowboys. The good horsemanship thus acquired made them even fiercer warriors than they’d been before. They increased the number of their enemies they killed each year.

 

Place the eleventh head in a box

Let his clan be smitten by pox

 

Use the twelfth to see how far you can throw

And let all fear the name of clan Blood-sow!

 

During World War II, the Nazis unleashed the blitzkrieg, or lightning war. The Blood-sows’ lands quickly fell to this attack. By then, of course, they’d dropped the archaic “Blood-sow” or “Bluid-sow” in favor of the more modern “Bledsoe.”

 

If you were to look strictly at the number of enemies killed over the course of the clan’s existence, you’d conclude the Blood-sows belong in the Halls of Valhalla. Critics, however, say that the average number of enemies killed per year isn’t high enough, and that the Blood-sows are being rewarded more for longevity than for greatness. Given that, it’s not yet known whether the Blood-sows will be accepted into the Hall.