**&&(()) youth football parents

[Nervous Guy]

 

Specific to your case - I also help coach my son's football team - the teams are purposely kept small (less than 20) and the rule is every player has a starting position - either on offense and/or defense .  It works out great.

458003[/snapback]

 

My son's team has 48 kids on it, they started out with 54!

 

To the coaches credit, the kids that don't play in the "regular" games get to play in games on Mondays the HC scheduled with other towns that have a similar situation...

[JRT]

A couple posts here have brought out something that I think is just as critical (if not more so) than the behavior of coaches and parents - that being the actual organization which runs the league and presides over the teams and coaches and participants.  There is no replacement for an excellently run organization which recognizes some of the 'pitfalls' of youth sports and tries to address them through rules etc.  I coach basketball in two different town leagues - one is much more organized than the other and makes the job of the coach much easier by being very explicit in what is allowed and what the expectations are for all involved.

 

Specific to your case - I also help coach my son's football team - the teams are purposely kept small (less than 20) and the rule is every player has a starting position - either on offense and/or defense .  It works out great.

458003[/snapback]

That is my point we have a small enough team to let every kid play almost half the time. By not having kids play both sides of the ball the kids actually will learn thier positions better and if they want they can change them up.

 

They would also benifi from being able to scrimmage in practice which we do not. The other night I noticed that they were working on thier Red defense which is the #1 unit and one of the assistant coaches was actually playing QB because both the QB's are on the starting D. It is very frustrating watching practice.

[John from Riverside]

John, I can't tell your age from your post but with you having an 8th grader I am guessing I am 10 or 15 years older than you. 

 

Don't give up.  I've coached competitive (travel) youth soccer for about 12 years.  Even though I've been fortunate to have had great success including 10 state championships, nearly every single team I've coached has had some variation of the parent problems you are having with your football teams.  All youth sports seem to share this common issue.

 

In my experience, the problems caused by the crazy parents have been FAR outweighed by the long-term, positive relationships I developed with the kids.  Most of the original kids I coached are college age now.  About a dozen of them are still playing in college.  Not a month goes by that I don't get a call or a note from one of them and, as amazing as it might sound, as often as not it is one of the problem parent's kids who are making the call.  Kids know when you care for them and, as often as not, they just want to be a part of something special.  They also know, usually, who the good players are and who the less gifted players are.  Learning and being part of the team is what usually matters to the boys.  Playing time, while important, is much more of a parent issue. 

 

I'd strongly urge you to start every season with a frank and MANDATORY parent meeting.  Set out your expectations and rules and stick by them.  Just don't stop coaching.  There may be some kid out there right now who needs you to balance a loving and well-meaning but misguided parent.

457991[/snapback]

 

TN....

 

Thanks for the comments....I dont have any intention of quitting that would be bailing out on my son. It just a little frustrating.

 

We have good parents too...there are days when I wished the good parents would tell the cancers to just STFU

[Nervous Guy]

 

We have good parents too...there are days when I wished the good parents would tell the cancers to just STFU

458032[/snapback]

[Fezmid]

What did you think of refereeing? I've been toying with this idea for a while now, maybe one year I'll actually get off my ass and do it.

457887[/snapback]

 

I did it for a year, and it was awesome. I really want to get back into it.

 

I did it at the High School level - mainly 9th and 10th graders. You generally won't get a chance to do a Varsity game for a few years (apparantly I must've caught someone's eye because I was asked to do a Varsity game my first year; unfortunately, I wasn't able to make it that day as I had plans to be out of town. I still wonder if I should've changed my plans... ).

 

Anyway, what I found was that the kids were GREAT. They were very respectful, and like in the NFL they come up to you from time to time and say, "Ref, watch #70, he's holding on every play," trying to influence your calls. Not once did I have a kid badmouth or complain though, so that was nice. Once, I even stepped on someone's foot on the sideline (he was obviously too close), and he appologized profusely and backed up. (technically I COULD have thrown a flag on him for being out of the box, but hey...).

 

The coaches and parents are the ones you have to learn to ignore. You learn to ignore the parents pretty easily when you learn that they're idiots and the only rules they know are from the NFL (which are completely different than highschool). I had this one coach though (who was also a ref in my association) who was drilling me hard during a big game. I thought I was calling things properly by letting the WR/DB battle each other off the line, but I wasn't sure. The coach kept yelling at me, saying "This isn't the NFL! There's no bump and run coverage in high school!" and would NOT get off my case. I was timid because I wasn't 100% sure I was doing the right thing. At halftime, I told the head-ref what was going on on the field, and asked if I was right in not calling anything. He said I was. With renewed confidence, I started the 2nd half and the coach kept drilling me. After a few more plays, I turned around and said, "One more word from you coach, and I'm throwing the flag on you." His eyes got real wide, and he turned to an assistant and said, "Can you believe what he just said?!" I heard him mutter a few things to his assistants, but he never said anything to me the rest of the game.

 

Afterwards, in the parking lot, the guy came up to me and appologized for his behavior and said I did a great job. Personally, I think it was classless that he was trying to influence me, but I guess it's to be expected.

 

Reffing doesn't pay well (roughly $20-$30/game), and the equipment is expensive (I paid about $300 for shoes, flags, etc), but it is fun and a good workout too (especially in August when it's HOT and HUMID here...)

 

PM me if you have any questions.

 

CW

[stevewin]

That is my point we have a small enough team to let every kid play almost half the time.  By not having kids play both sides of the ball the kids actually will learn thier positions better and if they want they can change them up.

458029[/snapback]

Well - technically in your case *almost* everybody half the time - you still have 5 potential parents even then pissed that their kid's not starting . In our case literally every kid must start on offense or defense.

 

I understand (and sympathize) with other people where there is no limit of kids - or the limit is too big - or you'd have to resort to cuts to reach a limit. I am just lucky now that the organization we are in basically creates as many teams as necessary to ensure the teams are small enough that everyone plays. My kids are still very young - I know eventually I will run into similar situations where there are cuts or too many kids etc. which may adversely affect my kids.

[John from Riverside]

John get a grip on life.

 

If your son is gonna be an NFL player his skills will come out. Do you think that there are not players like this cancer upsetting everyday life? I'll let you know, they are everywhere and they are part of life. Absorb the lesson they are teaching and get on with life. Hey have you ever sat down with them and empathized with them?

457960[/snapback]

 

I wasn't going to respond to this but hey....I may be misunderstanding what you trying to say......

 

"If your son is gonna be an NFL player his skills will come out"

 

I am trying to figure out anywhere in this thread where I am talking about MY son.......hey he is doing well and I am proud of him. But he is not really a part of this topic

 

"Do you think that there are not players like this cancer upsetting everyday life?"

 

It is not the kid it is the PARENTS.....the kid is actually OK when not combined with the parents....I actually feel bad for him. His parents send him away to $500 dollar NFL QB camps and the kid is a fricken smurf....he would be much better off going to corner camps or something like that because he goes to HS next year and isn't going to get played there (if at all)

 

"Absorb the lesson"

 

Sorry...I am going to flunk this lesson because I dont get it.

 

"Hey have you ever sat down with them and empathized with them?"

 

Hmmmm.....not my job to do that it is the HC's, but even if it was the HC has already layed out the way things are going to work. I actually did try to listen to them (during a game...taking me away from my duties) and told them I would talk to the HC about more time. But of course they never brought up that the discussion had ALREADY taken place.....and of course our discussion was not good enough to keep it within the team as they made phone calls to anyone who would listen this weekend.

[SlamnSam]

I wasn't going to respond to this but hey....I may be misunderstanding what you trying to say......

 

"If your son is gonna be an NFL player his skills will come out"

 

I am trying to figure out anywhere in this thread where I am talking about MY son.......hey he is doing well and I am proud of him.  But he is not really a part of this topic

 

"Do you think that there are not players like this cancer upsetting everyday life?"

 

It is not the kid it is the PARENTS.....the kid is actually OK when not combined with the parents....I actually feel bad for him.  His parents send him away to $500 dollar NFL QB camps and the kid is a fricken smurf....he would be much better off going to corner camps or something like that because he goes to HS next year and isn't going to get played there (if at all)

 

"Absorb the lesson"

 

Sorry...I am going to flunk this lesson because I dont get it.

 

"Hey have you ever sat down with them and empathized with them?"

 

Hmmmm.....not my job to do that it is the HC's, but even if it was the HC has already layed out the way things are going to work.  I actually did try to listen to them (during a game...taking me away from my duties) and told them I would talk to the HC about more time.  But of course they never brought up that the discussion had ALREADY taken place.....and of course our discussion was not good enough to keep it within the team as they made phone calls to anyone who would listen this weekend.

458076[/snapback]

 

Yes John you are not getting it.

 

Your rant goes year to year about your childs football progression and what trials there were. You said he had to sit the bench because of the cancer parents demands for thier son to play.

 

Players in life, yes players that cause as many problems as the cancer parents did for you and everyone else.

 

The lesson, there are so many "cancer parents" or people in life you have to learn how to deal with it. They are everywhere.

 

Way it goes for that kid. Its apparent he hasnt learned his lesson yet either. Stand up to mom & dad and say " hey I dont want to play football". He'll get it and probably be better off for it latter. Who knows maybe he'll one day be a coach and have personal experinces to draw on.

[John from Riverside]

Yes John you are not getting it.

 

Your rant goes year to year about your childs football progression and what trials there were. You said he had to sit the bench because of the cancer parents demands for thier son to play.

 

Players in life, yes players that cause as many problems as the cancer parents did for you and everyone else.

 

The lesson, there are so many "cancer parents" or people in life you have to learn how to deal with it. They are everywhere.

 

Way it goes for that kid. Its apparent he hasnt learned his lesson yet either. Stand up to mom & dad and say " hey I dont want to play football". He'll get it and probably be better off for it latter. Who knows maybe he'll one day be a coach and have personal experinces to draw on.

458110[/snapback]

 

OK...now I am understanding it.

[billsfanone]

Sorry to hear. Some things never change.

[Fencesitter]

OK...now I am understanding it.

458115[/snapback]

Just a couple of thoughts on youth football and the Bills.

 

John I sympathize with what you are going through but really have to agree with those who say just accept the overly involved self involved parents as one of the big downsides to a job that has a huge upside in terms of helping out a lot of kids.

 

No Coach gives every kid a "wonderful experience" because in order for a Coach to be any good he/she has to be consistent and sometimes that particular style will misalign with a certain kid or as often the case a certain kid's "familial situation". You are volunteering and giving the best you can give and that's got to be its own reward because the "universal appreciation" award will never come. And if it comes one year then the next the exact same Coach might get villified. The parents you are dealing with undermining your work is irritating as hell but all you can do is the best job as you understand it-- learn what you can and teach what you can.

 

But those "cancer parents" sometimes are simply good people with a blind spot. It reminds me of a comment I read on The Stadium Wall a couple of days ago saying "you guys are irrational". Well, of course we are. Anybody who gives as much passion to a football team as we do has got to be beyond rational. Some of those parents love their kids almost as much as we love the Bills and it causes them to respond to you the way Mularkey and Greg Williams and Tom Donahoe get responded to around here.

 

Thanks for doing what you're doing and if you keep venting here rather than in ways that can do harm to the players then you are handling it well (not that you shouldn't make the collective wisdom of THE STADIUM WALL required reading for all your players who want to learn about the game of football)

[eventualchamps]

Having coached a number of pre-high school teams (various ages), I give all the kids a fairly equal amount of playing time. The only caveat being kids that don't show up for practices or don't give 100% in practices don't get as much time (I think someone else alluded to this philosophy as well). It's fairly easy for parents to understand this.

 

This past week, my stud RB who missed a couple practices played less time than the other RB who showed up to all the practices and was really leaving it on the field. Is he good - not really, but maybe someday if he keeps the attitude he has.

 

If a coach is really caught up in winning at the pre-high school level, he's in trouble. There's a good chance they play Bruce Springsteen's "Glory Days" song quite a bit. Most of the coaches I've seen that absolutely MUST win with their team of 7th graders have usually fallen short of their aspirations in life.

 

At this age, it's not really about wining with the score, it's giving these kids the confidence to succeed in life and showing them what teamwork and effort can do. Too many parents these days don't give their kids a chance. If a coaches approach is that they MUST win every single game and give their studs maximum playing time, maybe coaching at that age isn't for them.

 

I have pre-season meeting and lay all of the above on the parents. If your kid plays like the next Joe Montana, I really don't care because the other kid who is putting forth just as much effort and working his butt off but playing like JP Losman (Had to add it) is going to get just as much playing time. If you don't like it, your kids probably on the wrong team.

[stuckincincy]

When did youth football begin? It certainly didn't exist when I was young. It was a high school sport.

 

I don't see how it adds to the children what with the years and years of hearing about such as this.

[BB2004]

year.......

 

Here we are....things are going very well for the team...undefeated it seems like everyone is happy.....we are carrying a lot of kids and are having a little difficulty managing the "minimum 5 play rule before the 4th qtr".....but if a kid doesn't get in correctly in one game...then we make sure he gets extra plays the next game.

 

So here we are....fixing to win our 3rd game and I walk over to the fence to give a high five to my wife......and I get basically ATTACKED by a mom and dad upset with their kids playing time.

 

This is a kid who isn't ready to play with the starters....he has nice size and the right attitude.....but makes too many fund mistakes to put out there as a starter.....so he plays some in the game and mostly special teams (which this league has been doing with developmental players since I have been involved with it)

 

And who do I see standing off to the side grinning from ear to ear.....none other then the perinnial team cancer spawn of hell mother that has resided on 3 of my sons 4 youth teams.

 

My first encounter with this woman was my sons first year of football......my son played center and dt........this woman was out there constantly berating the HC wanting to know why her kid was not playing QB.......the HC's answer was simple...."he gets hurt to much and he isn't a very good QB right now"

 

The next year she got a petition together and voted this HC out of the league.....my family loved this coach as he was my sons first teacher (aside from me)

 

The following year my son moves up to JP Div 1.......the other boy of the parents moves up to JP Div 2 (because his dad has inserted himself as a coach there) our team goes undefeated and loses in the JAAF super bowl.....the JP 2 team struggles and we keep getting reports of this family who is over there causing all kinds of problems.

 

The following year (Last year) my son moves to Pee Wee......things appear to be ok but little do we know that the coaching staff assigned to them are "challenged" to say the least...AND friends of the cancer parents.......so when cancer parents son doesn't sweat off the weight so he can be a star by staying down with the Jr. Pee Wees.....the coaches for Pee Wees bring him up and insert him at starting QB.....the starting QB (and he was a good one) gets moved to FB....and my son who was playing FB gets relegated to the fricken bench......after a AWESOME training camp and preseason.  We proceed to go through a 3-5 season and miss the playoffs with absolutely no changes made at any positions are our "starting QB" throwing anywhere from 3-5 picks a game and fumbling the ball every third play.........

 

OK NOW.....fast forward to the beginning of this year.....my son once again moves to midgets Div 1 (he has grown too big too fast to remain in any division for more then a year...and I never try to sweat him down because he is playing for high school (which is next year for him)

 

Meanwhile cancer parents and their son first try to sweat him down to play in PEE WEE 1......but they flat out cut him......so he trys out for Midgets (only one team...this is the BIG BOYS league of JAAF) and we really had some long discussions about him just because of the parents.....we ended up deciding that we didn't want to cut a kid just because of parents and bring him in....with the understanding that he is now a smurf amongst the big oaks.....and that the starters for the team were pretty much ironed out.

 

OK....FAST FORWARD TO NOW.  Here we are.....just finishing up our first win on the road and I find out that slowly surely like a fricken computer virus the parents have been up in the damn stands questioning everything we do....complaining about their sons playing time.....and making sure that the parents of minimum play players are upset and calling the league.......

 

I gotta say.....my vote was to have a meeting TODAY with these parents...thell them to knock that (***& off or turn in their sons pads.  I find it highly hypocritical that these parents never push the issue when their kid is a starter.

 

By the way...this kid is 120 pounds SOAKING WET.....and they want us to stick him out there on a full time basis with 160-175 pound kids.....for christ sake...this kid was getting hurt when he was playing with kids his own size every other play.....

 

For me it took me from the high of knowing I was doing OK for my first season of youth coaching to being bummed thinking about how these @ssholes are talking bad about us every day......*$*&*$&%&

457835[/snapback]

 

I don't know if it's easy for a 23 year old to say this but tell them what you think, explain why, and if those parents don't like it, too bad. At least you know you did the right thing. I was a little league umpire for almost ten years before I became a currency trader. Let me tell I would get into fights with A LOT of parents almost every game. One time I had to kick 5 people out of the game on opening day. I don't even look back on it because I know I did the right thing.

[Fezmid]

I don't know if it's easy for a 23 year old to say this but tell them what you think, explain why, and if those parents don't like it, too bad.  At least you know you did the right thing.  I was a little league umpire for almost ten years before I became a currency trader.  Let me tell I would get into fights with A LOT of parents almost every game.  One time I had to kick 5 people out of the game on opening day.  I don't even look back on it because I know I did the right thing.

458213[/snapback]

 

When I was reffing football, I just got really good at ignoring the parents myself...

 

CW