I died recently. Some other people died too. These are our stories. RIP.

[SDS]

Cause of death: While eating a big bowl of cereal, my spoon slipped and was completely submerged into the bowl. 🥣☠️

[Ridgewaycynic2013]

That post by the founding father makes me wonder if this all isn't the Matrix.

*
Gil Gerard passed, too.

[SDS]

17 minutes ago, Ridgewaycynic2013 said:

That post by the founding father makes me wonder if this all isn't the Matrix.

*
Gil Gerard passed, too.

you are not doing this right.

[ChevyVanMiller]

Cause of death: I went to the post office to mail out four bills. It was precisely three seconds after I dropped the letters into the mail shoot that my brain remembered that I had not put stamps on any of them. 💀🪦💔

[US Egg]

Trying to wrap my brain around this but it doesn’t stretch that far.

[Sweats]

This was a true conversation between me and my wife.........

 

me: we need 12 more feet of pipe for the pool

 

my wife: but we don't have a pool

 

me: we don't have the pipe either

 

my wife: what?!?

 

me: what?!?

 

my wife: ??????????

 

me: i'm building a pool cause your sister looks hot in a bathing suit

 

 

............and thankfully it wasn't RIP ole Sweats that day

 

 

 

 

[SDS]

Cause of death: Stepped in water on the kitchen floor with my socks on.

[Simon]

3 minutes ago, SDS said:

Cause of death: Stepped in water on the kitchen floor with my socks on.

 

Mush sock is fatal in 100% of cases.

[Sweats]

Here's another conversation between me and my wife from many years ago (she's French and didn't know too much English at the time)

 

my wife: what do you call a regular doctor?

 

me: what?!?........what are you talking about?

 

my wife: what do you call a doctor that checks your eyes?

 

me: an optometrist

 

my wife: what do you call a doctor that fixes your teeth

 

me: a dentist

 

my wife: what do you call a doctor for your feet

 

me: a pediatrist

 

my wife: what do you call a regular doctor?..........like, the family doctor?

 

me: oh, that's the witch doctor

 

my wife on the phone calling the family doctor: i'd like to make an appointment with the witch doctor

 

click

 

my wife: strange.......they yelled at me and hung up

 

 

Ole Sweats could have been RIP'd that day too, i tell ya........she still hasn't figured it out and thinks the doctor was just being an ***hole.

[UConn James]

I stopped petting my goldendoodle (Humane Society rescue) for a few seconds while I scratched an itch on my nose. He swung his head and I got an accusatory glance like 🐕: 'You don't love me anymore? 🥺'

 

I died instantly of a massive heart break  upon realizing the shame of the absolute betrayal I had wrought. My funeral is tomorrow tonight in unconsecrated ground as punishment for my unconscious treason. Refreshments of high-value treats, natural deer antler chews, and fresh, charcoal filtered tap water will be served.

[Fleezoid]

1 hour ago, UConn James said:

I stopped petting my goldendoodle (Humane Society rescue) for a few seconds while I scratched an itch on my nose. He swung his head and I got an accusatory glance like 🐕: 'You don't love me anymore? 🥺'

 

I died instantly of a massive heart break  upon realizing the shame of the absolute betrayal I had wrought. My funeral is tomorrow tonight in unconsecrated ground as punishment for my unconscious treason. Refreshments of high-value treats, natural deer antler chews, and fresh, charcoal filtered tap water will be served.

 

I died as soon as I read that because my mind went to a place it shouldn't have. 

[Sweats]

Am i doing this thread properly?...........cause i've got a feeling i'm wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy off

[UConn James]

1 hour ago, Fleezoid said:

 

I died as soon as I read that because my mind went to a place it shouldn't have. 

At least I didn't phrase it "I was stroking my gold member."

[The Jokeman]

Cause of death: calling his grandfather's spaghetti sauce better than his wife's. 🍝 💀

[SDS]

5 hours ago, Sweats said:

Am i doing this thread properly?...........cause i've got a feeling i'm wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy off

 

The format was supposed to be the one that I used twice. Yours was at least in the spirit.

 

The idea is more a trivial, but super annoying event that is so annoying to jokingly think it is equivalent to death. 

[Ridgewaycynic2013]

Peanut commenting on my understanding of the concept of the thread.

[Buffalo716]

Cause of death: I had some pot cookies I've been saving and I left them out and my dog devoured them 🫠

[Draconator]

Cause of death: I forgot to charge my in ear monitor system after a gig and I had to listen to myself sing with no monitors for rehearsal tonight.

[Fr. Jerk]

Cause of death: Had to sit through an episode of The Big Bang Theory.

[BringBackFlutie]

Cause of death: chose a long-sleeved shirt rather than removable jacket in October.