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How Important are Your Kids?


T&C

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20 hours ago, T&C said:

I agree the title of the article is a mess, but a lot of what he wrote rings true.. to me anyway. As a kid of the 60's we respected the adults in our family. I still call my aunts and uncles who are still alive by prefacing their name with aunt or uncle. None of this "hey John or what's up Sue".

Remember when, sending a package or a letter to a boy we used to put "Master" before the name of the person?

 

Yeah, and as someone named Bates Daley this caused me a great deal of childhood trauma.

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3 hours ago, Johnny Hammersticks said:

 

Yeah, and as someone named Bates Daley this caused me a great deal of childhood trauma.

 

my undergrad school was McMaster and the water polo team was unofficially the Bators, wouldn't have mattered much but they were a top school in Canada at this sport for a long time

 

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4 hours ago, Johnny Hammersticks said:

My kids are always the top priority.  I would (and often do) sacrifice just about anything for their need/benefit.  My kids are not spoiled, but they want for nothing.  Isn’t that what we sign up for when we choose to reproduce?

 

And therein lies the balancing act.  You do everything in your power to give them every opportunity to become the best person they can become. Our youngest once asked why we didn’t drive the crazy expensive cars his friends parents did. The KIDS would get BMW’s delivered to the car line at school with giant bows on their 16th birthday. I drive a Toyota, but we’ll help him pay off the $80k for the MBA program he’s in. Set an example with proper values. 

 

We have always rewarded hard work, and shut the gravy train down if the behavior wasn’t what you want to see. They decided how we treated them for the most part. Always within reason. What are you teaching them if they get a new Beamer just for living until their 16th birthday?  Is that maybe the peak in their life for some of these kids? Have they taught them to be able to provide for themselves and THEIR children? 

 

We have sacrificed for our kids, as we should. I hope we’ve set an example that will be followed. 

 

 

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3 hours ago, ExiledInIllinois said:

He's old school but in moderation it applies.

 

Here's what applies ... some old, white, rich, religious opportunist who doesn't know me from his rosary can't tell me how to be a parent.  If I need guidance, I have my own parents.  And that's worked just fine.

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6 minutes ago, Gugny said:

 

Here's what applies ... some old, white, rich, religious opportunist who doesn't know me from his rosary can't tell me how to be a parent.  If I need guidance, I have my own parents.  And that's worked just fine.

What does old, white, and rich... Have to do with it?  If anything, Rosemond being well off, be more apt to spoil.  No?

 

He'd probably agree with your post.  You're not a "rudderless ship"... But there are many that are.

 

Not sure why you are getting so defensive.

Edited by ExiledInIllinois
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4 hours ago, Johnny Hammersticks said:

My kids are always the top priority.  I would (and often do) sacrifice just about anything for their need/benefit.  My kids are not spoiled, but they want for nothing.  Isn’t that what we sign up for when we choose to reproduce?

 

A effing men, brother.  My son is THE reason I get out of bed in the morning.  Being a dad is something that did not come easy and it's the most fulfilling part of my life without a close second.  He IS the most important part of our family and he always will be.  

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3 hours ago, Augie said:

 

And therein lies the balancing act.  You do everything in your power to give them every opportunity to become the best person they can become. Our youngest once asked why we didn’t drive the crazy expensive cars his friends parents did. The KIDS would get BMW’s delivered to the car line at school with giant bows on their 16th birthday. I drive a Toyota, but we’ll help him pay off the $80k for the MBA program he’s in. Set an example with proper values. 

 

We have always rewarded hard work, and shut the gravy train down if the behavior wasn’t what you want to see. They decided how we treated them for the most part. Always within reason. What are you teaching them if the get a new Beamer just for living until their 16th birthday?  Is that maybe the peak in their life for some of these kids? Have they taught them to be able to provide for themselves and THEIR children? 

 

We have sacrificed for our kids, as we should. I hope we’ve set an example that will be followed. 

Again... Rosemond would agree with you and @Johnny Hammersticks.  Top priority is well chosen words.

2 minutes ago, Gugny said:

 

A effing men, brother.  My son is THE reason I get out of bed in the morning.  Being a dad is something that did not come easy and it's the most fulfilling part of my life without a close second.  He IS the most important part of our family and he always will be.  

Really... You wouldn't get out of bed if your son wasn't around.  I find that strange.

 

Top priority is a bit different than "most important."  IMO.

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3 minutes ago, ExiledInIllinois said:

Again... Rosemond would agree with you and @Johnny Hammersticks.  Top priority is well chosen words.

Really... You wouldn't get out of bed if your son wasn't around.  I find that strange.

 

Top priority is a bit different than "most important."  IMO.

 

It's a figure of speech.

 

I'm not being defensive.  It just bothers me that this guy thinks he knows what's best.  Why?  That's like people who want to get married in a Catholic church having to meet with a priest.  What ***** sense does that make???  Some pedophile sworn to celibacy is going to counsel a young couple on marriage???  This guy's article is the same thing.  Who is he to tell strangers how to parent?  And, frankly, if his kids aren't the most important part of his family, then he's a crappy father.

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32 minutes ago, Gugny said:

 

It's a figure of speech.

 

I'm not being defensive.  It just bothers me that this guy thinks he knows what's best.  Why?  That's like people who want to get married in a Catholic church having to meet with a priest.  What ***** sense does that make???  Some pedophile sworn to celibacy is going to counsel a young couple on marriage???  This guy's article is the same thing.  Who is he to tell strangers how to parent?  And, frankly, if his kids aren't the most important part of his family, then he's a crappy father.

Agree to disagree, (You're) taking way too much umbrage IMO.  

 

He's just saying, don't treat your children like prima donnas... It has ill effects and leads to a sense of entitlement.  You wouldn't argue with that, right?  Case in point: how star athletes are treated since an early age.  

 

And yes, the Kennedy's were one of the first in the public eye to start this trend... How did that turn out? Lot's of issues there.  Successful, but issues. Hyper-competition within the family is very toxic.

 

Again... I like Hamnersticks choice of words: Top Priority.

 

I am not judging your parenting... I think you're off base and too judgemental yourself.  IMO, you run into a lot with your approach when there are more than one child.

 

Curious... Where do you fall born?  I am third born.  You don't have to answer if I am being too inquisitive.  Forward.

 

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6 minutes ago, ExiledInIllinois said:

Agree to disagree, (You're) taking way too much umbrage IMO.  

 

He's just saying, don't treat your children like prima donnas... It has ill effects and leads to a sense of entitlement.  You wouldn't argue with that, right?  Case in point: how star athletes are treated since an early age.  

 

And yes, the Kennedy's were one of the first in the public eye to start this trend... How did that turn out? Lot's of issues there.  Successful, but issues. Hyper-competition within the family is very toxic.

 

Again... I like Hamnersticks choice of words: Top Priority.

 

I am not judging your parenting... I think you're off base and too judgemental yourself.  IMO, you run into a lot with your approach when there are more than one child.

 

Curious... Where do you fall born?  I am third born.  You don't have to answer if I am being too inquisitive.  Forward.

 

 

I don't think you're judging me.  And I'm not judging anyone but the author.  My son is top priority AND most important.  I'm sure you'd agree that, once our children are born, our most important job as parents is to provide for them and to prepare them for life.  How can they not be most important?  Who's more important than our children?  Whether it's one or ten?

 

I'm the youngest.

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2 minutes ago, Gugny said:

 

I don't think you're judging me.  And I'm not judging anyone but the author.  My son is top priority AND most important.  I'm sure you'd agree that, once our children are born, our most important job as parents is to provide for them and to prepare them for life.  How can they not be most important?  Who's more important than our children?  Whether it's one or ten?

 

 I'm the youngest.

 

As am I. I’m also the only boy, and clearly the most deserving of my parents affections.  ?

 

I KID! But in my wife’s family the third child and only boy is referred to as “the Prince”. And he was actually treated that way! He was actually allowed to golf in the house, with real balls.  Love the guy, but it was kinda funny. It did make the two girls more self sufficient and independent, so it all worked out. 

 

It gets tricky when you have multiple kids and limited resources, both in terms of time and money. How do you chose where to invest? Do you do things “evenly”? Do you help the child that needs more, while short changing the more independent child? Do you invest in the kid who has the most promise and pass on investing in a kid not ready or capable of college? It’s a million little, and big, decisions. 

 

Bottom line: we all do the best we can given our circumstances. I try very hard to judge others less and just do my best. It will never be perfect, but you do what you can and pray for the best. 

 

 

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2 minutes ago, Gugny said:

 

I don't think you're judging me.  And I'm not judging anyone but the author.  My son is top priority AND most important.  I'm sure you'd agree that, once our children are born, our most important job as parents is to provide for them and to prepare them for life.  How can they not be most important?  Who's more important than our children?  Whether it's one or ten?

 

I'm the youngest.

That's not what he is saying.  He's saying you, as a parent are the top dog. You don't go alpha dog, your children will walk all over you.

 

As a manager, are you more important to your company than the workers under you?  Your company values you as more important, thinks you are... You make more,  have more responsibility then people below you... That's the people above you validating your importance over others.   

 

That's what Rosemond, IMO is saying.  The hierarchical structure with regard to importance.  You're obviously the most important in the family unit.  Without you your child stands a very big chance of failing. You're the family CEO.

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6 minutes ago, Augie said:

Bottom line: we all do the best we can given our circumstances. I try very hard to judge others less and just do my best. It will never be perfect, but you do what you can and pray for the best. 

 

Amen, brother.

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18 minutes ago, Gugny said:

 

I don't think you're judging me.  And I'm not judging anyone but the author.  My son is top priority AND most important.  I'm sure you'd agree that, once our children are born, our most important job as parents is to provide for them and to prepare them for life.  How can they not be most important?  Who's more important than our children?  Whether it's one or ten?

 

I'm the youngest.

Next question, out of how many?  Very critical... Because the youngest out of two is much different than say 4 or 5.  Unless there are many years apart between only two siblings.

 

Youngest, doesn't always mean "the baby." My youngest sibling, sister, is 4 years younger than me... And 9 years younger than my oldest sibling, also a sister.

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10 minutes ago, Augie said:

 

As am I. I’m also the only boy, and clearly the most deserving of my parents affections.  ?

 

I KID! But in my wife’s family the third child and only boy is referred to as “the Prince”. And he was actually treated that way! He was actually allowed to golf in the house, with real balls.  Love the guy, but it was kinda funny. It did make the two girls more self sufficient and independent, so it all worked out. 

 

It gets tricky when you have multiple kids and limited resources, both in terms of time and money. How do you chose where to invest? Do you do things “evenly”? Do you help the child that needs more, while short changing the more independent child? Do you invest in the kid who has the most promise and pass on investing in a kid not ready or capable of college? It’s a million little, and big, decisions. 

 

Bottom line: we all do the best we can given our circumstances. I try very hard to judge others less and just do my best. It will never be perfect, but you do what you can and pray for the best. 

 

 

Where do you choose to invest?  In my father in-law's, family... Irish, 5 brothers... The child with polio went to college and got a desk job.  The other ones went straight to work.

 

This was in the 1940s-50s.

 

The oldest became the Priest.

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