Have you ever farted real loud in public?

[Another Fan]

So I was Christmas shopping this weekend when someone in Macy's just let one rip loudly without any shame.  Made me think of this topic.

 

The funniest memory I have is being in detention in high school for a half hour after school.  It just consisted of being in a room with an administrator and having to sit silently at a desk for that time.  With about 2 minutes left in it this kid name Joe farts real loud.  Everybody started laughing hysterically except the administrator.  He was just really pissed and made everybody stay an extra half hour!

[Augie]

Well, Joe, that’s really funny! 

 

 

 

 

?

[ExiledInIllinois]

Go stealth!

 

"Silent But Deadly" are the best.  Next time when you are out shopping with your significant (or whomever) other try it.  Let out the neutron bomb, then slip away... The person you are with will get the dirtiest looks when somebody else passes them.

 

Learned this from my old man... It would drive my mother wild!  She'd be concentrating on say grocery shopping, picking something out and not even realize to get the hell out, move along, before it was too late!

 

Wow... Pretty sick... But funny!  Love is a powerful asset!

 

 

12 minutes ago, Augie said:

Well, Joe, that’s really funny! 

 

 

 

 

?

He's coming clean after all these years.  The OTW Confessional.

[Augie]

2 minutes ago, ExiledInIllinois said:

Go stealth!

 

"Silent But Deadly" are the best.  Next time when you are out shopping with your significant (or whomever) other try it.  Let out the neutron bomb, then slip away... The person you are with will get the dirtiest looks when somebody else passes them.

 

Learned this from my old man... It would drive my mother wild!  She'd be concentrating on say grocery shopping, picking something out and not even realize to get the hell out, move along, before it was too late!

 

Wow... Pretty sick... But funny!  Love is a powerful asset!

 

 

He's coming clean after all these years.  The OTW Confessional.

 

I hope he’s clean....the extra 30 minutes in detention might have seemed like a lifetime had he sharted. That could cause an administrator to lose a pension if a complaint was filed by anyone present! 

[ChevyVanMiller]

 Reminds me of an old joke.

 

An elderly couple is sitting in church when the lady pulls on her husband's arm and says, "George I just let out a long silent fart what should I do?"

 

George looks her dead in the eye and says, "Put new batteries in your hearing aid, Bernice."

Edited December 12, 2018 by ChevyVanMiller

[seregil42]

10 hours ago, ExiledInIllinois said:

Go stealth!

 

"Silent But Deadly" are the best.  Next time when you are out shopping with your significant (or whomever) other try it.  Let out the neutron bomb, then slip away... The person you are with will get the dirtiest looks when somebody else passes them.

 

Learned this from my old man... It would drive my mother wild!  She'd be concentrating on say grocery shopping, picking something out and not even realize to get the hell out, move along, before it was too late!

 

Wow... Pretty sick... But funny!  Love is a powerful asset!

 

 

He's coming clean after all these years.  The OTW Confessional.

My father-in-law loves to tell this story all the time.  He was shopping with his wife when he "crop-dusted" this little old Italian lady.  He knew immediately it was going to be bad (it was SBD), so he turned to his wife and said that they had to go right now.  They left and got into their car.  As they were pulling out, the Italian lady came out of the store screaming in Italian at them.  He said he never laughed so hard in his entire life.

[Johnny Hammersticks]

Not really loud but really stinky.  I was taking a winter session public speaking class when I was a freshman in college.  A friend and I were the only ones in our dorm, so we got a case of Milwaukee’s Best Ice and split it.  Got absolutely hammered.

 

The next morning I woke up with horrible, pungent gas.  I think my class started at 9:30 or something, so I pretty much hopped out of bed and ran to class.  I was sitting there with my friend next to me as people were doing their presentations.  I was holding in a bunch of gas and it was becoming extremely uncomfortable.  I couldn’t get up and go to the restroom as another student was in the middle of their presentation, so I decided that I needed to “relieve the pressure” a little bit.

 

When I say that my “test fart” was the most wretched, disgusting think I ever smelled...that it probably an understatement. I am not exaggerating when I say that the professor had to evacuate the classroom and cancel class because he couldn’t open the windows to air the place out.

 

Of course, as soon as the stench hit, my friend started laughing, pointed at me, and yelled “oh my god dude...really?!”

 

It was awful ?

[mead107]

You should be at a 518 lunch when Gugny and Levi start farting at lunch ?

[Pete]

11 hours ago, ExiledInIllinois said:

Go stealth!

 

"Silent But Deadly" are the best.  Next time when you are out shopping with your significant (or whomever) other try it.  Let out the neutron bomb, then slip away... The person you are with will get the dirtiest looks when somebody else passes them.

 

Learned this from my old man... It would drive my mother wild!  She'd be concentrating on say grocery shopping, picking something out and not even realize to get the hell out, move along, before it was too late!

 

Wow... Pretty sick... But funny!  Love is a powerful asset!

 

 

He's coming clean after all these years.  The OTW Confessional.

How about dropping a SBD fart in a crowded elevator on the 30th floor??

[ExiledInIllinois]

11 minutes ago, Pete said:

How about dropping a SBD fart in a crowded elevator on the 30th floor??

Depends... Who's in the elevator?  Am I going to a midget convention or a Ray Rice benefit dinner?

 

The crowd you're hanging with matters deeply!

 

 

Sorry for beinh un-PC... I guess I should have said: Little People.

21 minutes ago, Johnny Hammersticks said:

Not really loud but really stinky.  I was taking a winter session public speaking class when I was a freshman in college.  A friend and I were the only ones in our dorm, so we got a case of Milwaukee’s Best Ice and split it.  Got absolutely hammered.

 

The next morning I woke up with horrible, pungent gas.  I think my class started at 9:30 or something, so I pretty much hopped out of bed and ran to class.  I was sitting there with my friend next to me as people were doing their presentations.  I was holding in a bunch of gas and it was becoming extremely uncomfortable.  I couldn’t get up and go to the restroom as another student was in the middle of their presentation, so I decided that I needed to “relieve the pressure” a little bit.

 

When I say that my “test fart” was the most wretched, disgusting think I ever smelled...that it probably an understatement. I am not exaggerating when I say that the professor had to evacuate the classroom and cancel class because he couldn’t open the windows to air the place out.

 

Of course, as soon as the stench hit, my friend started laughing, pointed at me, and yelled “oh my god dude...really?!”

 

It was awful ?

Some friend... Hate to be in a foxhole with him!  Save yourself!  Run!!!!

 

Make a mental note of his valor under duress for a later time when the sh*t really gets thick!  ?

Edited December 6, 2018 by ExiledInIllinois

[Keukasmallies]

12 hours ago, Another Fan said:

So I was Christmas shopping this weekend when someone in Macy's just let one rip loudly without any shame.  Made me think of this topic.

 

The funniest memory I have is being in detention in high school for a half hour after school.  It just consisted of being in a room with an administrator and having to sit silently at a desk for that time.  With about 2 minutes left in it this kid name Joe farts real loud.  Everybody started laughing hysterically except the administrator.  He was just really pissed and made everybody stay an extra half hour!

 

Unbelievable coincidence:  I was in detention at Ernie Davis junior high school in Elmira, NY in about 1953 when Ass't Principal Silas Perry marched up to me and asked me if I flatulated.  Well, I didn't know what to make of that, so I denied it, he asked again, I denied again; then he asked me if I farted.  I was so relieved I said yes, sir, I did do that, but not the other thing.

[/dev/null]

I'm not a loud farter, more of a SBD kind of guy

 

And whether it's silent or audible, I always own my farts

[ExiledInIllinois]

39 minutes ago, /dev/null said:

I'm not a loud farter, more of a SBD kind of guy

 

And whether it's silent or audible, I always own my farts

Now there is a stand-up guy!!! ^^^^^^

 

You taking notes Hammersticks?  Send that to your Buddy that ratted you out too!

 

 

Thank You for Your Service /dev/null!  You are a true American Patriot!

Edited December 6, 2018 by ExiledInIllinois

[BillsFan4]

Ok, this is a somewhat embarrassing, but damn funny, story from my childhood (I want to say I was around 10-12yrs old), and not the story I thought I’d be typing on TBD today... lol. 

 

My family and I were on vacation in Myrtle Beach, SC for Easter. We went every year with all my cousins etc. and stayed for a couple weeks at a nice resort. 

 

My mother, sister and myself were all waiting for the elevator. There was also a younger couple there (I’d guess in their 20’s) waiting for the elevator, all lovey-dovey and kissing and whatnot. 

 

Well.... as this couple is kissing, Out of nowhere I just let out one of the loudest farts ever. I mean, it was LOUD. 

 

So... immediately afterwards I turn, look at my mother and said (really loudly) “Mommm!?!”....

 

Like the great mother she is, she stays silent and takes the blame for me. The couple waiting there is in absolute Hysterics, just laughing their a** off. My sister is laughing, I am laughing and my mom is kind of laughing too, but probably more embarrassed that I blamed her for it. 

 

I dont think that couple stopped laughing the entire elevator ride.

 

and, as I’m sure you can imagine, every one of my aunts, uncles and cousins on vacation with us all heard about that story the rest of the trip... 

 

lol 

[row_33]

at that moment great-grandma was sent to the nursing home

 

[Alaska Darin]

When I was in my early 20s, McDonald's still had the old booths with the hard plastic seats.  The back of the seat is kinda cut down from the front, almost like the curve of a banana.  This created an absolutely perfect "fart ramp".  I was there eating lunch during a business day lunch hour with some of my military coworkers...place was packed.  I let one go that was incredible in both volume and duration.  The entire place just stopped and stared.   We were just roaring.  Epic.

 

Years later I had a football Sunday where I just stuffed myself with the normal fair and copious amounts of alcohol.  The next day I had gas so bad I could have cleared a pig processing facility.  They were long in duration, silent, and as deadly as anything.  I literally cleared half the operations floor just walking through it.  I stood at the top of the middle aisle with my arms in the air like Rocky after a win.  Sometimes being in the military can be so much fun.

 

 

 

[BUFFALOKIE]

8 hours ago, Pete said:

How about dropping a SBD fart in a crowded elevator on the 30th floor??

I work with my step dad. He and I once got in the elevator alone, and as soon as the door closed I ripped a good one! Another buddy from work was behind me in the stairwell when I let one rip. Both of those enclosed spaces had great acoustical effect LOL!!! Those were both loud but not too smelly. My favorite was when my i pulled the bed covers over my then girlfriends puppy and let out an extremely stinky SBD and the puppy started yelping like its tail got slammed in a door! GF was unaware and frantically lifted the cover to see what was the matter....I will leave her reaction to your imagination....

Edited December 6, 2018 by BUFFALOKIE

[FearLess Price]

So many farts so many stories...

 

Well..we were in social studies class in 10th grade i think...

The room was xtra quiet. We were in the middle of taking a test. ...

I think it was the French Revolution or something...idk...

I just remember it being boring...really boring and silent....

Im a charismatic guy so i always liven up places im at. Even when its not wanted...

So this girl Shalini was in my class....and we were cool but sometimes we wud rib each other...

My other best friend Alex was in that class too hes def the quieter friend that watches me do outrages thkngs and laughs or if i fucj up, helps dig me outof whatever situation i go myself in...

So after i finished taking my test i got up to pass in my test....i felt the gas rumble ever so slightly as the test sheets left my hand...as i walked bsck to my seat at the back of the room the rumble  turned into thunder...i didnt just wanna fart tho......I was feeeling creative so i had to innovate i had to put my own spin on things...so i walk over to shalini....our high school chairs had short backs so even when sitting down the majority of ur upper back is exposed....i proceeded to lean/sit on her upper back....during the split second before she reacted, as soon as my ass and her back were in full contact i let a Loud Nasty Huuuuuuuge one RIIIIPPPP!!! Right on Shalinis back!!!! She had to have felt that one leave the station and crash into her back!!! The whole class was dying for a good 5 minutes....Shalini and her sidekick were mad at me for a few weeks. It was so worth it...me and my freinds bring this story up wen we smoke weed and get nostalgic....this was the late 2000s in high school...

[Marv's Neighbor]

Have your fun now, when you get older, you can't always count on them being just farts. 

[Johnny Hammersticks]

4 hours ago, Marv's Neighbor said:

Have your fun now, when you get older, you can't always count on them being just farts. 

 

Story of my life, brotha.  I shart in my pants at least 3-4 times per year.  I did so in the middle of a work meeting one time...7 or 8 other people around the table.  Had to flush my boxers afterward.