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LAMP: I Just Need to Vent


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Getting married on the 24th. Pretty sure this one likes me as more than a friend. She's great. I love her. But she has this "friend."

 

Let's go back to when I was first planning on proposing. This was back in late 2016. I had just been laid off, and found a new job, working weird hours for significantly less money. In order to survive, I had to work all the overtime I could get just to make end's meet. Also, her father was in the hospital, and her mother was having surgery to remove a tumor. So I had it down to two days, a Friday, ideally, or a Tuesday if I couldn't get a paid day off from work.

 

I told her friend this, and she told me Tuesday doesn't work, because it's her birthday. Not that I cared, but I told her it was most likely gonna be that Friday. She literally goes back to my now fiance and says "He's planning on proposing to you on my birthday! You gotta tell him he can't because I'm not even sure I can be there, and that's MY day to celebrate." I didn't make a big deal out of it because Tuesday didn't work anyway. But it was pretty crappy of her to make it all about herself.

 

Then in April. My fiance's birthday came up, and I threw a surprise party for her. Nothing huge. Just about 7 or 8 of our closest friends. One of my best friends died unexpectedly the day before. I was wanted to cancel, because I honestly just wanted to mope around the house all day, but powered through it anyway. Her alleged best friend didn't make it. She got into an argument with her mom that morning, and was just feeling kinda sad about it and didn't want to go to a party. Also decided not to tell me, after I'd bought enough food for everyone. 

 

Now, fast forward to September. She tells my fiance that she can't make the bridal shower, or the rehearsal, because her mom told her she has to go out of town. Side note, this woman is 24 years old, and literally just refuses to get a job and move out of her parent's house.

 

So Sunday, as we're getting ready to go watch the game, she gets a call, that her mom told her she can't go to the bachelorette party this Saturday. My fiance tells her politely but firmly, that if she can't make that, and is only a maybe on the rehersal, that she's invited to the wedding, but she can't be a bridesmaid. Turns out, her mom was only joking with her, and she can make the party, but now refuses to go, based on the fact that my fiance told her that in a hypothetical situation, which isn't happening, she doesn't want to be there.

 

I'm just venting here because the thing I want to say to her aren't nice. My fiance has a full time job, a sick father to take care of, a wedding to plan, and her mom passed a month ago. The last thing she needs is someone causing BS drama in the weeks leading up to the wedding. 

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dude, tell this girl to ***** off.  she's obviously an issue, and who really needs that.  just be a dick.  i've found it's so much easier to do that as you get older.  too many times in my youth have i bit my tongue to keep the peace.  now i just don't care.  worst case scenario, you be mean to her, your fiance is ticked for a bit, but later happy because this girl is out of your life.  i'd enjoy being mean to her.

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2 minutes ago, WhoTom said:

Looks like your fiance is figuring out what kind of "friend" this person is. I suggest you sit back and don't participate in the drama; it'll take care of itself soon enough.

 

Yeah. I'm basically giving it until Saturday. See if things blow over by then. That's why I'm venting here. 

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also, don't you think it's wildly strange that this girl's mother told her she couldn't go to the bachelorette party as a joke?  and that the girl didn't figure it out immediately?  my family loves to bust balls, but this just isn't a funny joke.  she probably decided to not go, and once she found out she wouldn't be in the wedding, changed he mind.  i assume she's just throwing her mother under the bus.

 

i stand by my first thought.  i'd be a dick.

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1 minute ago, teef said:

also, don't you think it's wildly strange that this girl's mother told her she couldn't go to the bachelorette party as a joke?  and that the girl didn't figure it out pretty immediately?

 

my family loves to bust balls, but this just isn't a funny joke.  she probably decided to not go, and once she found out she wouldn't be in the wedding, changed he mind.  i assume she's just throwing her mother under the bus.

 

i stand by my first thought.  i'd be a dick.

When they finally talked about it again last night, she could hear her parents coaching her through the whole phone call. 

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30 minutes ago, The Real Buffalo Joe said:

 

Now, fast forward to September. She tells my fiance that she can't make the bridal shower, or the rehearsal, because her mom told her she has to go out of town. Side note, this woman is 24 years old, and literally just refuses to get a job and move out of her parent's house.

 

 

 

She's a child. She's not malicious, just really immature and self centered. She's not going to grow up overnight so this type of behavior will continue. There's nothing you can do to change her behavior. Just don't take anything personally, because when she gets cut loose she will throw a tantrum. Think of yourself like a restaurant manager asking unruly teenagers to leave, it's just business. When she calls you names, ignore it. When she cries, ignore it.

 

 

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16 minutes ago, teef said:

dude, tell this girl to ***** off.  she's obviously an issue, and who really needs that.  just be a dick.  i've found it's so much easier to do that as you get older.  too many times in my youth have i bit my tongue to keep the peace.  now i just don't care.  worst case scenario, you be mean to her, your fiance is ticked for a bit, but later happy because this girl is out of your life.  i'd enjoy being mean to her.

 

This is exactly where I am.  You're not going to get any better advice than this.

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3 minutes ago, The Real Buffalo Joe said:

When they finally talked about it again last night, she could hear her parents coaching her through the whole phone call. 

there's something very off here.  just be ready for this girl to ruin something for you.  it probably won't/hopefully be the wedding, but it's going to happen.  

 

my dad had a sister like this.  she was just off, and any time someone had a positive going on in their life, she would make a scene and divert the attention back to herself.  on the evening of my dad's prom, she ran away.  his parents made him go look for her and miss most of the evening.  she came hold from college, and made such a big stink about the new dog my dad had, that her parents put the dog in the pound.  she even "attempted" suicide in my dad's room when he was studying for finals.  he just shoved her outside and closed the door.  he had to make the decision that his own sistser wasn't invited to his wedding because she would make a scene, and ruin it for my mom.  

 

i'm not saying this friend has this level of a problem, but some people need to create drama and make it about themselves.  

6 minutes ago, ocemur said:

 

She's a child. She's not malicious, just really immature and self centered. She's not going to grow up overnight so this type of behavior will continue. There's nothing you can do to change her behavior. Just don't take anything personally, because when she gets cut loose she will throw a tantrum. Think of yourself like a restaurant manager asking unruly teenagers to leave, it's just business. When she calls you names, ignore it. When she cries, ignore it.

 

 

this is perfect.

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There's definitely a jealousy thing going on. My fiance and I met online, met in person a few days later, and hit it off instantly. As cliche as it sounds, it was love at first sight. It's a very rare thing, but it happens. So whenever she meets a guy, really any guy at all, after one date, she automatically acts like he's the one. We both tell her to slow it down, if we like the guy. Or if we see red flags, tell her that, but she goes back anyway. 

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29 minutes ago, teef said:

dude, tell this girl to ***** off.  she's obviously an issue, and who really needs that.  just be a dick.  i've found it's so much easier to do that as you get older.  too many times in my youth have i bit my tongue to keep the peace.  now i just don't care.  worst case scenario, you be mean to her, your fiance is ticked for a bit, but later happy because this girl is out of your life.  i'd enjoy being mean to her.

This is sound advice, cut the cancer out of your lives and move on.   It's liberating.    

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She also plays in a co ed charity softball tournament every year. She basically runs the team. She told my fiance that one of the girls wasn't gonna make it, and wanted her to play. Fiance went out and bought a bat and a glove. She'd never played softball before, but was super excited about it. We went to the batting cages probably four times that week. She finally drives out ot the park, which is about an hour's drive away. "Oh yeah, she showed up. Never mind." 

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3 minutes ago, The Real Buffalo Joe said:

She also plays in a co ed charity softball tournament every year. She basically runs the team. She told my fiance that one of the girls wasn't gonna make it, and wanted her to play. Fiance went out and bought a bat and a glove. She'd never played softball before, but was super excited about it. We went to the batting cages probably four times that week. She finally drives out ot the park, which is about an hour's drive away. "Oh yeah, she showed up. Never mind." 

Not surprising.   And that's a pretty decent summary of your girls relationship with this person, it's all about her and only her.   If I were you, i would have zero contact with her and encourage your girl to come to that realization as well but not in a negative way.   anything you say to her will be twisted around to try and ruin your relationship so have zero contact with her only communicate through your wife.   

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17 minutes ago, Johnny Hammersticks said:

Sounds like a psycho.  Think she’s be down for a ménage with you and your old lady??  

She'd probably claim to be. She's one of those girls that claim to be bisexual, but pretty sure she's just looking for attention.  I think she'd chicken out if ever placed in the situation. 

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