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Anyone ever go through a divorce with a child?


Royale with Cheese

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I've never been divorced but my parents split when I was young.  The only advice I'll give here is NEVER...EVER talk negatively about your ex-wife to your child.  At this moment it seems as though the two of you are getting along but that may change at some point.  Even if it does...DO NOT SINK TO THAT LEVEL.  There's nothing positive to be gained from it.

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5 minutes ago, Royale with Cheese said:

 

This is what I hope happens and the way it stays. 


For your sake, I hope it stays that way, too.

 

But never underestimate the possibility of the situation changing to your detriment. You have to protect yourself, first.

 

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I moved out and into a friends house for a couple/few weeks, then found an apartment and lived there for a couple months, then we decided to co-habitate to kind of help each other out financially, we led our own lives, sometimes we ate as all together but not often and we made sure to let the kids know that it was nothing more than that and that we were not getting back together, we both dated.  She eventually met someone and moved out, we were renting so i stayed on in the house, with the kids, it worked out perfectly for me.  Granted my case is probably as close to perfect as you can get, but it's all about being honest and open....it's gonna really suck for a couple months, then slowly things will start to look better and you'll look back and be amazed at how far you've come in a very short time.  Also in my case, beer helped in the short-term, as an escape, but I don't recommend going down that slippery slope

 

7 minutes ago, Royale with Cheese said:

 

This is what I hope happens and the way it stays.  

I'm giving her all the furniture because I make a lot more than what she makes.  I don't want her to struggle because she is the mother of my child.  Our son comes first, if we don't get a long and constantly have tension, he's affected.  We don't want that.  

 

We're still in the same house now and will be for the next at least 30 days...so far so good.  She actually went with me to look at an apartment.

We have agreed to keep him in the same school district.  We're going to live close to each other.  Still have dinner with all of us maybe once a week or every other week.

We don't hate each other, we just aren't good together.

 

I'm talking to a few lawyers later today to make sure I'm protected.  

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Just now, joesixpack said:

 

Did you say you already filed papers? Did you file a support agreement? How about a separation of property?

 

We sent the drafts, nothing is signed off yet.  I spoke to her Attorney yesterday and she said that once everything is finalized in the agreement, then we sign off.

She did state that if I want the piece of mind that I am protected, have another Attorney review everything on my behalf.

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6 minutes ago, Royale with Cheese said:

 

We sent the drafts, nothing is signed off yet.  I spoke to her Attorney yesterday and she said that once everything is finalized in the agreement, then we sign off.

She did state that if I want the piece of mind that I am protected, have another Attorney review everything on my behalf.

 

GOOD.

 

I would put that attorney on retainer and have him/her craft up documents that will protect you first. Here's why I say that. If you're crippled financially by the alimony/support, you'll have a really hard time doing the things you'd love to with your kids otherwise. (Edit: and kids being kids, they'll want to do things with you that invariably cost money.) I'm not saying a guy shouldn't pay those kinds of things. But it should be equitable, and if you're not protected from future changes, it can become really inequitable really quick.

 

 

Edited by joesixpack
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2 hours ago, Royale with Cheese said:

So my wife and I have officially filed for divorce.  Just waiting for my lawyer and her lawyer to review the paper work to sign off.

 

We're being very amicable towards each other.  Nothing contested (so far) on our end.  We still do get a long, we're in the process of selling our house and living in our existing house together for the next month or so.  We're splitting everything 50/50 except 401K...she's not going to take any of mine.  Instead of child support, I'll pay her health insurance since she can't be on mine now.  I'm also giving her a good chunk of my savings.  We're both being very good to each other right now.

 

I didn't want to be in the relationship anymore but at the same time, it's still pretty hard because I've been with her for 6 years....and we have a 3 year old.

We tried to explain to him last night what was happening and he wasn't getting it.  We just said that we aren't going to live much longer in this house and we will now have two houses.  He seemed excited.

 

If anyone has been through this, any advice?  What should I expect?

Damn man.....sorry to hear this. Hopefully everything works out amicably. 

 

Also, once you get your bearings five daily updates on what it's like to be single in this day and age, so I can live vicariously through you.

Edited by RaoulDuke79
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26 minutes ago, The Poojer said:

my kids were 16, 15 and 9 when my ex and i split, very amicably, but very much out of love.  We made it a point to put the kids first and we stuck to it.  Granted we didn't have a pot to piss in, so there really was nothing of value to negotiate, but even if there was, i probably would have acquiesced and let her have anything of substance....it's just stuff and money, you can always get more, eventually.  We couldn't have had a better experience of a divorce, no lawyers no fighting, downloaded some forms from the internet, found a notary, we both signed, 30 days later we got a letter of congratulations from the Commonwealth of Virginia.  All throughout and even still, the kids came first.  They saw the strain in our marriage, we wanted to put all of that behind us.  I think they were the winners in it all because we are all happier on the other side.  Best of luck and if you need a shoulder or an ear, reach out.  

This!  My Brother did it this way.

 

Are you sure You weren't  still "very much in love" and just didn't realize it or Your love became lost and didn't know how to find it again?  It seemed like You saw eye to eye?

 

I am being very sincere and honest here... Not being a wiseguy, please don't be offended... If I did, I am sorry.

 

Royale...  I am so sorry.  Have You tried to work through the differences?  I know You are probably getting this response a lot, but figure I would ask.

 

 

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2 hours ago, Royale with Cheese said:

So my wife and I have officially filed for divorce.  Just waiting for my lawyer and her lawyer to review the paper work to sign off.

 

We're being very amicable towards each other.  Nothing contested (so far) on our end.  We still do get a long, we're in the process of selling our house and living in our existing house together for the next month or so.  We're splitting everything 50/50 except 401K...she's not going to take any of mine.  Instead of child support, I'll pay her health insurance since she can't be on mine now.  I'm also giving her a good chunk of my savings.  We're both being very good to each other right now.

 

I didn't want to be in the relationship anymore but at the same time, it's still pretty hard because I've been with her for 6 years....and we have a 3 year old.

We tried to explain to him last night what was happening and he wasn't getting it.  We just said that we aren't going to live much longer in this house and we will now have two houses.  He seemed excited.

 

If anyone has been through this, any advice?  What should I expect?

What state do you live in bud?

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we fell out of "romantic" love, i still very much love her as a person, as she gave me 3 awesome kids

 

1 minute ago, ExiledInIllinois said:

This!  My Brother did it this way.

 

Are you sure You weren't  still "very much in love" and just didn't realize it or Your love became lost and didn't know how to find it again?  It seemed like You saw eye to eye?

 

I am being very sincere and honest here... Not being a wiseguy, please don't be offended... If I did, I am sorry.

 

Royale...  I am so sorry.  Have You tried to work through the differences?  I know You are probably getting this response a lot, but figure I would ask.

 

 

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Just now, RaoulDuke79 said:

Also, with the who push for "equality" for women and such, when are these bull **** divorce settlements going to change, where the husband gets screwed over time and time again and has to give up half of everything he's worked for.

 

Well, to answer that question...it's not really about "equality." Never has been. It's about supremacy.

 

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Just now, RaoulDuke79 said:

Also, with the who push for "equality" for women and such, when are these bull **** divorce settlements going to change, where the husband gets screwed over time and time again and has to give up half of everything he's worked for.

 

They've been pushing for something other than equality for a long time now, brother.

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