Royale with Cheese Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 So my wife and I have officially filed for divorce. Just waiting for my lawyer and her lawyer to review the paper work to sign off. We're being very amicable towards each other. Nothing contested (so far) on our end. We still do get a long, we're in the process of selling our house and living in our existing house together for the next month or so. We're splitting everything 50/50 except 401K...she's not going to take any of mine. Instead of child support, I'll pay her health insurance since she can't be on mine now. I'm also giving her a good chunk of my savings. We're both being very good to each other right now. I didn't want to be in the relationship anymore but at the same time, it's still pretty hard because I've been with her for 6 years....and we have a 3 year old. We tried to explain to him last night what was happening and he wasn't getting it. We just said that we aren't going to live much longer in this house and we will now have two houses. He seemed excited. If anyone has been through this, any advice? What should I expect? 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teef Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 dude...i'm sorry to hear this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Royale with Cheese Posted September 19, 2018 Author Share Posted September 19, 2018 17 minutes ago, teef said: dude...i'm sorry to hear this. It does suck but we just couldn't be together any longer. If it wasn't for the kid, we probably would have ended it sooner. We're better off as friends. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Popinski Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 That sucks man i'm sorry to hear it. My brother went through divorce after adopting her son and then they had a child together. Just always focus on what's best for the child on both sides. Just make sure any agreement you come to is in writing and done through the courts. Get it documented, get it notarized, have a lawyer do everything that way in 5 years nothing comes back to bite you in the rear end. Feelings change and something she might have thought was fair at the time suddenly isn't fair anymore especially if you're doing well down the road. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy days Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 I think it’s better to get divorced than to stay for the kids.... right now he doesn’t fully understand what is happening. It’s good for the kid that you and your wife get along at least for now and you got LUCKY that no child support. I know that each state has its own laws and different things to expect, like I live in Washington and it is a very pro-mom state. I think the best thing you can do for your kid is just be honest. And I would also sing just the two of us by will Smith a lot... but that may be just me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeviF Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 1 minute ago, Soda Popinski said: Just make sure any agreement you come to is in writing and done through the courts. Get it documented, get it notarized, have a lawyer do everything that way in 5 years nothing comes back to bite you in the rear end. Feelings change and something she might have thought was fair at the time suddenly isn't fair anymore especially if you're doing well down the road. This. So much this. Make sure your lawyer has his **** together because you may well end up paying for health insurance and a hefty dose of child support somewhere down the line if he doesn't. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Popinski Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 everything my brother agreed to pay to his ex before the court dates was considered a "gift" so even though he paid, he still had to back pay child support. took it right up the tail pipe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pine Barrens Mafia Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 Good luck. I'll echo the sentiments above. Get a lawyer that will make sure she feels the pain instead of you, lest you end up like me...!@#$ed by the courts. And trust me, unless you have a savage for a lawyer, you WILL get !@#$ed by the courts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Royale with Cheese Posted September 19, 2018 Author Share Posted September 19, 2018 1 minute ago, Soda Popinski said: everything my brother agreed to pay to his ex before the court dates was considered a "gift" so even though he paid, he still had to back pay child support. took it right up the tail pipe. This is what I'm afraid of. It's amicable now. She's the only one who has the Attorney now. We've both agreed to all the conditions and now I'm going to get an Attorney to review everything to make sure I'm protected. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pine Barrens Mafia Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 1 minute ago, Royale with Cheese said: This is what I'm afraid of. It's amicable now. She's the only one who has the Attorney now. We've both agreed to all the conditions and now I'm going to get an Attorney to review everything to make sure I'm protected. Get yourself a lawyer, NOW. Do not give her anything until a court order forces you to. There is no amicability possible. I tried the nice guy thing, "be the coparent" thing, be civil thing. And all that i ended up with was a whole lot of impoverishment and misery. Be a dick, for your own sake. TRUST ME. 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Popinski Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 get the attorney!!!!! it seems like a lot of $$ now but buddy you don't know what a lot of money is yet until you look back after 16 years of child support and tally it up to over 100k dollars. My father was paying on my brothers and sister, 3 kids, 700 a month. When they turned 18 he had a party. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pine Barrens Mafia Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Royale with Cheese said: This is what I'm afraid of. It's amicable now. She's the only one who has the Attorney now. We've both agreed to all the conditions and now I'm going to get an Attorney to review everything to make sure I'm protected. Also, PM me, I'll give you specific examples as to why my situation leads me to respond like I did. It'll open your eyes. 3 minutes ago, Soda Popinski said: My father was paying on my brothers and sister, 3 kids, 700 a month. When they turned 18 he had a party. He got off easy. Edited September 19, 2018 by joesixpack butchery of the english language 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Royale with Cheese Posted September 19, 2018 Author Share Posted September 19, 2018 1 minute ago, joesixpack said: Also, PM me, I'll give you specific examples as to why my situation leads me to respond like you will. It'll open your eyes. I'm afraid that I don't want to know. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pine Barrens Mafia Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 Just now, Royale with Cheese said: I'm afraid that I don't want to know. You need to hear this trust me. Learn from my mistakes, so you don't have to deal with what I have to. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BringBackFergy Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 Sorry to hear this Royale. Sounds like you guys are managing well though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Poojer Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 my kids were 16, 15 and 9 when my ex and i split, very amicably, but very much out of love. We made it a point to put the kids first and we stuck to it. Granted we didn't have a pot to piss in, so there really was nothing of value to negotiate, but even if there was, i probably would have acquiesced and let her have anything of substance....it's just stuff and money, you can always get more, eventually. We couldn't have had a better experience of a divorce, no lawyers no fighting, downloaded some forms from the internet, found a notary, we both signed, 30 days later we got a letter of congratulations from the Commonwealth of Virginia. All throughout and even still, the kids came first. They saw the strain in our marriage, we wanted to put all of that behind us. I think they were the winners in it all because we are all happier on the other side. Best of luck and if you need a shoulder or an ear, reach out. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasons1992 Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 Sorry to hear this. I've just gone through this same process between July 2017 and a month ago when we officially went to court to get the dissolution. I have 12 and 8 year old boys. They did understand when we told them last summer; hard, HARD conversation. We are both very amicable towards each other, like your situation. She had a lawyer do all the paperwork; I had one review it all, but didn't have one on retainer. She makes a lot less than me so I pay a good amount monthly for alimony, child support, and split expenses. Best wishes; PM me if you ever have any questions or concerns. It's a long process and mentally very tough no matter how amicable you are towards each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pine Barrens Mafia Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 Just now, Seasons1992 said: She makes a lot less than me so I pay a good amount monthly for alimony, child support, and split expenses. Depending on your state, support is irrelevant to income disparity. My divorce is proof of this, the ex makes way more than I do, yet I pay her a hefty support payment which she managed to get increased...twice. Because I didn't have a lawyer and tried to be a nice guy. ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teef Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 13 minutes ago, joesixpack said: You need to hear this trust me. Learn from my mistakes, so you don't have to deal with what I have to. royal i'd listen. sometimes it's best to hear the worst case scenarios. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Royale with Cheese Posted September 19, 2018 Author Share Posted September 19, 2018 1 minute ago, The Poojer said: my kids were 16, 15 and 9 when my ex and i split, very amicably, but very much out of love. We made it a point to put the kids first and we stuck to it. Granted we didn't have a pot to piss in, so there really was nothing of value to negotiate, but even if there was, i probably would have acquiesced and let her have anything of substance....it's just stuff and money, you can always get more, eventually. We couldn't have had a better experience of a divorce, no lawyers no fighting, downloaded some forms from the internet, found a notary, we both signed, 30 days later we got a letter of congratulations from the Commonwealth of Virginia. All throughout and even still, the kids came first. They saw the strain in our marriage, we wanted to put all of that behind us. I think they were the winners in it all because we are all happier on the other side. Best of luck and if you need a shoulder or an ear, reach out. This is what I hope happens and the way it stays. I'm giving her all the furniture because I make a lot more than what she makes. I don't want her to struggle because she is the mother of my child. Our son comes first, if we don't get a long and constantly have tension, he's affected. We don't want that. We're still in the same house now and will be for the next at least 30 days...so far so good. She actually went with me to look at an apartment. We have agreed to keep him in the same school district. We're going to live close to each other. Still have dinner with all of us maybe once a week or every other week. We don't hate each other, we just aren't good together. I'm talking to a few lawyers later today to make sure I'm protected. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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