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Alternatives to tired football cliches


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Cliche: "He split the uprights"!

 

Alternative: "The kicker’s foot struck the football at the center of percussion such that it was propelled forward at velocity 53 mph and 1400 rpm over the out stretched arms of the defensive lineman and sailed over the crossbar and bisected the vertical posts resulting in a field goal!"

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You'll never hear it, but........

 

"He sucks" or "They suck" would succinctly describe those in Pro sports instead of lengthy excuse making diatribes by the announcers.

 

An 8 y.o. uses that term now.

 

 

Edited by I am the egg man
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1 hour ago, row_33 said:

mute the TV and put on your favourite symphony or song or sermon or lecture on metaphysics

 

I am sure the number of times I've muttered to the idiot colour commentator on the idiot box "will you just shut the f*** up?!" numbers in the hundreds.

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Cliché:  "He's a high motor, bring your lunchpail kind of guy"

 

Alternative: Exerts maximal effort, achieves minimal results

 

 

 

 

Cliché:  "He has all the intangibles we are looking for"

 

Alternative:  "Damn, we overpaid for this guy and need an explanation as to why."

 

Edited by Thunderstruck
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29 minutes ago, Ridgewaycynic2013 said:

I am sure the number of times I've muttered to the idiot colour commentator on the idiot box "will you just shut the f*** up?!" numbers in the hundreds.

 

Sometimes I enjoy ripping into all the dumb comments made

 

Mostly I'm just fed up with them, watching the World Cup they excitedly update the percentage of possession every 30 seconds, when the score is all that matters

 

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While talking over a replay:

Instead of

" If he catches this ball he scores"

 

" If he caught that ball he would have scored"

 

A replay is something that happened in the past....no?

 

Oops forgot one:

 

Instead of "here comes Tom Brady" when the offense comes on the field, how about "here come the Patriots"

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