outsidethebox Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 It's been 4 years since my wife past. Why do I still feel so lost and alone? To be honest, I'm surprised I'm still here. Lord knows I've drank enough liqueur and took enough pills to wonder why I'm still alive. It does take away the pain, I'm trying to stop, yet it's 4:30 and I've been drinking all night. I know my wife would be disappointed if she saw me like this. I often wonder why I'm still alive, as of right now, I see no future. No happiness, just more loneliness. I guess it's my cross to bear. Thanks for letting me vent. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeginnersMind Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 So sorry Westside. Life is so short and precious. Not just hers but yours. I can’t really understand what you are feeling, but I and so many offer our compassion. You are not the only person that feels like this. There are so many people who feel some version of what you feel. This board (And the Internet) is not much of a place to seek and find the best support but what we can offer, I'm sure we do. Not all the advice that's sure to come but just the "We are here." It's real and true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweats Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 Oh dude, that sucks. They say that time heals everything, but that’s horse shite. One day at a time, bro......trust me, things will get better and there are better times ahead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nervous Guy Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 Having lost someone who was very dear to me I understand where you are coming from. The day Danny passed forever changed my life, things will never be the same...life is less joyful, and I can't imagine it getting better. But I have come to the understanding that this was part of a plan and not some random event...your wife lives on and is with you, she's not really gone. I know this doesn't lessen the hurt, and it doesn't stop you from thinking of her constantly...but you still do have a reason for being here...and it' not to just feel pain. You will never lessen the pain with pills or booze, it'll just perpetuate it. Try to find meaning in everyday things, appreciate this life we have, you will see her again. Feel free to PM me, I have things to share that will make you at least consider that we never really lose our loved ones. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill from NYC Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 Brother, PLEASE hang in there and do not be embarrassed to seek help. I will be praying for you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffaloBill Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 Westy there is nothing wrong with venting. You lost someone very dear to you. Prayers go out for you. As others have said the pills and booze will not help you and may destroy you. Hope you are able to stop as you wish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BringBackFergy Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 So sorry Westy. Pray you find some comfort during this difficult time. As always, we are here either via public posts or PM’s. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Your Brown Eye Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 I'm sorry you're still grieving. Be strong. Try to live your life in honor of her. Make her proud looking down upon you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cripple Creek Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 3 hours ago, westside said: It's been 4 years since my wife past. Why do I still feel so lost and alone? To be honest, I'm surprised I'm still here. Lord knows I've drank enough liqueur and took enough pills to wonder why I'm still alive. It does take away the pain, I'm trying to stop, yet it's 4:30 and I've been drinking all night. I know my wife would be disappointed if she saw me like this. I often wonder why I'm still alive, as of right now, I see no future. No happiness, just more loneliness. I guess it's my cross to bear. Thanks for letting me vent. I have no words to ease your pain Westie, just knowledge that you are cared about. Keep hanging in please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stuvian Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 Feeling your pain. Westie booze and pills will eventually kill you. Don't go out this way. There is a lot of love in the world Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Another Fan Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 Battled anxiety and depression for most of my life. You can beat this crap Westside. My very best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gugny Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 Wishing you well, Westie. Stay strong, brother, and please think about accepting some help from those going through similar pain. There are lots of people, here, who genuinely care. And don't forget your open invitation to any 518 Luncheon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnC Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 5 hours ago, westside said: It's been 4 years since my wife past. Why do I still feel so lost and alone? To be honest, I'm surprised I'm still here. Lord knows I've drank enough liqueur and took enough pills to wonder why I'm still alive. It does take away the pain, I'm trying to stop, yet it's 4:30 and I've been drinking all night. I know my wife would be disappointed if she saw me like this. I often wonder why I'm still alive, as of right now, I see no future. No happiness, just more loneliness. I guess it's my cross to bear. Thanks for letting me vent. As others have said reach out to someone (pastor, groups, counseling) and share your pain. You will realize that the burden of sadness that you are enduring is the same experience that others have endured. They can help you as you can help them. Don't give up. It's not easy but reach out. What you feel has been felt by many others. You are not as alone as you think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Poojer Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 Please seek help as soon as possible. I cannot imagine your pain, but don't add to it. Your wife, as you pointed out would probably be disappointed. Make her legacy your pulling yourself up and living your life in honor of her memory. You posting this is a very positive first step in turning this around! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guffalo Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 Although I can't speak from that type of experience, you must be able to feel her around you. The fact that you know she would be dissapointed with you means that she is still deeply in your heart. Listen to her, she wants you to get better, to make a step or two forward. She will be with you the whole way. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keukasmallies Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 Westside, let me share something with you. I was in Buffalo General for six weeks in 1992, big time illness, depressed to the point my MD asked a psychiatrist to see me. He seemed a like a nice guy, didn't mince words as he talked to me about suicide; he said one particular thing that stuck with me: Suicide is the most selfish thing you can do because family, friends, etc. are left to wonder why, what did they do to you to make you abandon them. Not preaching here, just sharing a life experience with a fellow TBD poster.... 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eball Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 Hope you find peace, brother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pine Barrens Mafia Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 Westie, always remember that there's hope even in the darkest situations. If you continue to fight, you haven't lost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasons1992 Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 You have friends here, keep in touch. Be sure to try and seek counsel around you to help you get through this. There are people who CAN help; you need to find them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boyst Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 Be strong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts