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The Ultimate Universal Draft Scouting Report


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http://www.sportsone...ticle/43586992/

 

Some of my favorites (there are many more):

 

Bad body athlete, which ironically would make him the Adonis of draftniks.

 

Completed 54-of-56 passes during his pro day passing drill, then successfully parallel parked on a street with no other cars.

 

Uses his hands properly, a skill most of us master in kindergarten.

 

When covering receivers, snaps his hips, swivels his torso and bifurcates his pelvis.

 

Already has four children by five different mothers.

 

Just completed his missionary work, or was a Canadian fireman for a few years, or did some other pro-social thing which will make for a wonderful feature biography in the local newspaper before he is cut on July 28 to get the training camp roster down to 144 players.

 

Accelerates slowly but bursts quickly after closing on his initial velocity.

 

Finds the soft spots in zone coverage, or as the real draft insiders call them, the fontanelles.

 

Throws the football like a shotput, which is no big deal when he's really competitive and religious. Right? Right?

 

Fundamentally sound tackler who misses too many tackles and does not always tackle correctly.

 

Ran a 4.45 and a 4.54 unconfirmed (later confirmed as a 4.34 and 4.76) at his Pro Day after running a 4.73 and 4.37 at the combine, though the track at his pro day was notoriously fast, but there was a lot of wind that day and he was also getting over the flu at the Combine. Also, he's a punter.

 

If he plays like he did in the highlight reel his stepbrother posted on YouTube, he will be special, and he will spend his whole life with "Take it to Da House" by Trick Daddy playing in the background.

Edited by Last Guy on the Bench
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